you are here
by bicyclesarecool
Summary: A cross country road trip with Edward Cullen? Not exactly at the top of Bella's to do list, but she's out of options and he's got a working truck. Can they put the past aside and make it through the week? Rated M just in case. ah, ooc exb
1. Chapter 1

**hi, hello i'm back. **

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><p><strong>you are here<strong>

**chapter one**

**boston, massachusetts, 3:14 pm**

**mixtape: come home by chappo**

"You better be calling me to say that you are all packed up and ready to be back here in a week," Alice sings into the phone. I laugh nervously.

"About that…" I trail off and I can hear her suck in a breath.

"My wedding is in twenty days Isabella Swan and I am not about to stress eat _another_ carton of ice cream," she warns and I sigh. Alice has always been an anal-retentive nutcase but this wedding has turned her into something much worse—something much scarier. So I'm calling her now, metaphorical tail between my legs as I lay on the sidewalk outside of my apartment, cursing whatever god has done this disservice to me.

"The truck is dead," I say slowly, cringing with every word.

"No!" she gasps. "Bella, I've been telling you for _years_ to get rid of that _thing_!"

"I know," I groan, staring at the rusting metal of my beloved truck as it's being towed away for good. The engine is caput and I can't afford a new one.

I can't really afford anything at the moment, hence my call to Alice.

"I can't get on a plane—I don't have the money for that. And I have to get all my stuff back to Seattle."

"You should've thought about that before you ran away to Boston," she huffs.

"I wouldn't exactly call _going to college_ running away," I say. The tow truck turns a corner and it's gone. I feel the loss hit me in the stomach—I've had that giant tank of a truck since I was fifteen and my mom was teaching me how to drive a stick before I even had my permit. It seems wrong to be going back home without it

"Bella? Are you even listening to me?" Alice's irritation brings me back to the situation at hand.

"I'm sorry, what?" I ask and she _tsk_'s at me.

"I may have a plan, I'll call you back." She doesn't even say goodbye, the phone beeps to let me know she's gone.

I lay on the sidewalk a little longer, arm thrown over my eyes. It's mid-afternoon on a Tuesday so the street isn't exactly busy. It's actually quite nice, it's not very hot out for once, the skies are blue and a breeze is blowing through the trees lining the road. I've lived on this block for the last three years, in this very apartment and to be leaving it, my heart sinks—why does it feel like I'm losing everything?

"Are you okay?" I hear a clear voice ask and I nearly cry at the sound.

"Ang," I whine and I finally move my arm away. My roommate is standing over me, clutching her tote bag and pushing a loose lock of dark, straight hair behind her ear. Angela's face is crossed with concern but also a little bit of amusement—she's had to deal with my overdramatic meltdowns too many times over the last four years, ever since she met me in the bathroom of the dining hall, crying because I accidentally spilled an entire bowl of soup down my shirt on the first day of new student week.

"Get up, you're probably laying a cesspool of germs right now. They don't clean these sidewalks, you know. I'm sure Drunk Connor has taken a piss there." Drunk Connor is our neighbor and he lives up to his name—I don't think I've ever seen him sober, even in a philosophy class we shared my sophomore year. I groan but Angela holds her hand out to help me up and once I'm standing, she pulls me into a hug.

"I'm sorry about the truck," she says sincerely and she leads me inside. Our apartment is in shambles, both of us packing up our lives before the lease ends in a few days. Angela's moving in with her boyfriend a few blocks away and I'll be going home to Washington. There are boxes everywhere, the walls are bare and freshly painted white, free of the framed photos and posters we'd had hanging up over the years.

"So how did Alice take the news?" Angela asks, picking up the take out menu sitting on the counter in the kitchen. "The usual?" I nod and she starts dialing the number on her phone.

"It went as well as I expected it to," I sigh before she orders our lunch. "She said she'd figure something out."

"What's she going to do? Come pick you up herself?" Angela laughs, setting the phone down. She pulls her hair into a ponytail and takes a bottle of wine out of the fridge—which, right now, only holds alcohol and coffee creamer.

"I wouldn't put it past her," I say, flopping down onto the old beat up couch that takes up most of the space in our living room. We're leaving it here for the next tenants. The thought of someone else sitting on our couch makes me even more depressed.

"Shouldn't you be more excited about going back? With that fancy new job you have lined up?" Angela asks, handing me a coffee mug filled with cheap Moscato.

"I am!" I say, because it's true. My cousin, Rosalie, works at this magazine based in Seattle and with my English and Creative Writing degree she got me a job as an editorial assistant. It's really better than anything I could have asked for, even though I'm going to have to pick up a waitressing gig or something to afford rent somewhere in the city.

"I'm just going to miss you," I say sadly, sipping my wine. "And this place. I don't know, maybe I'm just sentimental."

"It's been a great four years, Bella," she says and pats my arm lightly. "But it's time to kick ass in the real world. Let's tackle the division of the DVD collection, shall we?"

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><p>I'm comfortably tipsy and full of lo mein by the time Alice calls me back later on in the evening. I yell for Angela to turn the music down as we pause our packing session and dance party.<p>

"Hello?" I answer too loudly.

"I've solved all of our problems," Alice says confidently.

"Really?"

"Yes, Edward is going to pick you up on his way out. He's at Dartmouth now, getting settled. He has to bring my dad's truck back so he was planning on driving anyways. "

"Wait what?" I ask because maybe I didn't hear her correctly, maybe I'm drunker than I thought. There's no way-

"You heard me. It's just Edward. He'll pick you up on Wednesday at four. I'll text you his number because I doubt you still have it, just send him your address." The warning note in her tone doesn't escape my notice.

"But isn't he in New Hampshire? That's where Dartmouth is right?" Alice sighs.

"_Yes, Bella_, but like I said, it's on his way. Just deal with it until after the wedding and you never have to talk to him again, okay?"

"Yes ma'am," I grumble.

"That's my girl. I love you! See you soon!" She doesn't wait for my goodbye, she hangs up before I can protest further but I get a text from her almost immediately letting me know that she's shared a contact with me.

Edward Cullen.

Ugh.

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><p><strong>I'm really excited about writing this story, right now i have it outlined as about 30+ chapters. weeeee roadtrips, let me know what you think? love it? hate it? <strong>

**hoping to update once or twice a week.**

**until next time,**

**meg**


	2. Chapter 2

**thank you for reviewing, and for reading at all. **

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><p><strong>chapter two<strong>

**boston, Massachusetts, 3:45 pm**

**mixtape: caught inside by bad things**

"Why are you so nervous? Didn't you grow up with this guy?" Ben asks me from his seat on the stoop in front of our building. Angela sits next to him, looking on with an amused expression. I continue my pacing.

"Yes, but I haven't seen him since high school. Plus he's a dick and I don't like him and I'm about to spend like, a week in a car with him," I cry, pulling at my long, curly hair. It's especially messy today, I slept in later that I'd hoped this morning and had to just let it air dry after my shower. It's blowing wildly around me now, like a lion's mane. The wind is picking up, the skies are overcast. Rain must be close.

"Is that him?" Angela asks as a pick-up truck comes off of the main road. I hold my breath until it turns a corner and disappears.

"Thank god," I sigh. Angela clucks her tongue.

"You'll survive, Bella."

"Barely," I mumble and I don't miss her eye roll.

"Maybe this will be a good way for you guys to reconnect," she offers, always in search of a silver lining.

"I highly doubt that." My stomach is in knots. "Is this everything?"

Angela and Ben look around, taking in all the boxes and my dismantled bedframe leaning up against my mattress.

"Must be, the place is empty," Angela says. She moved all of her stuff to her new place late last night. I'm so distracted looking at all my belongings packed into their boxes that I don't see the blue pick-up truck pull up to the curb. It's a newer model and it's huge—definitely a purchase made by Alice's father, one of the Pacific Northwest's best surgeons.

Edward Cullen is making his way around the truck and is suddenly standing a few yards in front of me, my stomach falls into my feet.

"You didn't tell me he looked like _that_," Angela whispers to me quickly.

"Didn't think it was relevant," I hiss back. She pinches my arm and pushes past me, making her way over to him.

"Hi, I'm Angela. You must be Edward," she says, shaking his hand and fluttering her eyes lashes at him. I want to roll my eyes but I don't because Edward keeps looking from Angela to me. Ben catches my eye though and gives me a wary glance.

He's always been handsome, I guess, though he's grown into himself a little more since high school. Edward's also always been insanely tall, passing the six foot mark by the time he was fifteen but he was also the skinniest thing you've ever seen. He was all limbs and awkward angles. Now though, he's just as tall but he's filled out some, like there might be some muscle mass connected to those spindly arms.

His hair hasn't changed; it's still a mess of auburn waves that add a couple more inches to his height. His smile is the same too; I see the dimples in his cheeks, the way his eyes brighten as he greets Angela with his deep, clear voice.

"Nice to meet you, Angela," he says warmly and I fight the urge to gag.

"Edward, can I start putting this stuff in the back?" I ask, my voice too loud. He looks startled.

"Oh, yeah, here let me help," he says quickly, making his way over to the bed frame and avoiding my stare.

"You don't have to do…" I trail off because he's already putting them in truck. He and Ben help load me the other stuff, making small talk and it's strange to see Edward so…nice. Not that he wasn't before-he was just more reserved, more awkward around people he didn't know.

It seems like it takes no time to put my life in the back of a truck and cover it with a tarp. I'm left standing on the sidewalk, wiping sweat off my forehead while Angela hands me my backpack.

"I put some things in it…to make the trip better. Nothing fancy, just some CDs and some snacks," she says and I pull her into a tight hug.

"I'm going to miss you so much," I say quietly, my throat growing painfully tight with emotion.

"I'll miss you too, Ben and I will visit soon—I've never been out west," she says, always with that silver lining.

"I'll call you when we stop somewhere," I tell her and she nods, her eyes wet with tears.

"Bye, Bella,"

"Bye, Ang. Bye Ben," I add, when I break apart from Angela. Ben gives me a quick hug and when it's over, I find Edward standing by the truck, looking around at anything but us. Maybe he's still a little awkward.

"You ready?" I ask him and he finally looks back at me.

"If you are," he says kindly and I nod. He opens the passenger door for me before walking around to the driver's side.

I get in, surprised at how roomy the cab of the truck is, the seats a soft tan fabric with plenty of leg room, with a high tech fancy stereo system. There are some McDonald's wrappers scattered around the floor along with a couple of empty to go coffee mugs.

"Sorry about the mess," Edward says once he's inside and buckled up. I shrug.

"Thanks for picking me up," I say and he smiles tentatively at me.

"No big deal," he says and we're pulling away from the curb, onto the street. I'm staring out the window, watching Angela and Ben walk hand in hand to their new home until we turn a corner and they're gone.

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><p><strong>i'd love to hear your thoughts, next chapter should be up this weekend<strong>

**meg**


	3. Chapter 3

**hello! thank you for reading-and a big thank you to those who reviewed-hearing your thoughts means so much to me.  
><strong>

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><p><strong>chapter three<strong>

**forks, washington**

**twelve years ago **

**mixtape: households by sleeping at last**

"Bella, he's so weird."

"Isn't he your cousin?"

"Well, yeah, but what does that matter? He never talks," Alice huffed, cracking an egg into the mixing bowl. I scooped out the pieces of the shell that she let fall in while she searched for a whisk. We were making a cake for her mom's birthday—vanilla with strawberry frosting—Esme's favorite.

"Maybe he's just shy," I offered but I didn't know. I hadn't seen Edward since two summers ago when he was visiting with his mom.

But his mom had just died and so he had to move in with Alice and her parents. I didn't know where his dad was but he wasn't with them when they visited.

We kept going with the cake and Alice turned her new, pink radio on and we sang along to our favorite song about a skater boy as I got the cake into a pan and Alice started mixing up the frosting. My mom promised to cut up strawberries for us but she was upstairs then, painting over the yellow walls of the guestroom—or I guess, Edward's room. Mom's been over here a lot the last couple of weeks helping get everything settled.

We're were to put the cake in the oven when the front door swung open and Esme came in, arms full of bags, with Edward trailing behind her.

"_Mom!_" Alice shrieked, shoving the cake into the oven. It wasn't even done preheating yet.

"Oh, sorry, Sweets. We got done early," she said, smiling big at Alice. "I'm just going to take these upstairs, I didn't see anything!" she laughed and left the room. Edward stood awkwardly in the doorway, rubbing the back of his neck. He was nine like us, but he was so much taller and so skinny, his arms and legs are like noodles. I smiled at him on accident, imagining him with wiggly spaghetti arms. He bit his lip at me.

"Alice!" we heard Esme call from upstairs. "I thought you said you cleaned up these Barbies!"

Alice smacked her hand to her forehead.

"I knew I was forgetting to do something," she muttered and ran upstairs. The kitchen got really quiet because Alice was right, Edward didn't talk. I hated the quiet, so I spoke up as I started putting stuff in the sink to wash.

"Hi, I'm Bella," I said. He stared at me and I had to stop myself from letting out a big breath. "You're Edward, right?"

"Yeah," he said though it didn't sound like he was very sure. I smiled at him again and he kept standing in the doorway.

"Me and Alice were making a cake, since it's Esme's birthday and all. You could help us frost it if you want. Alice says I'm too impatient to do it since I can never wait til it's cooled down. The frosting always melts. But I think it still tastes good," I rambled and rambled as I rinsed off the whisk. There was still some batter left in the mixing bowl so I asked Edward if he wanted to try it. He stepped towards me, and I couldn't help but stare at how messy his hair is. My mom told me the other day that she doesn't think he's ever brushed it—she said that a bird could build a nest in there and we'd never know except for the chirping. I thought it looked cool.

Edward stuck his finger in the bowl and ran it down the side, getting a big glob of vanilla batter. I watched him lick it off that finger; he was very neat about it, not sloppy like me or Alice.

"How is it?" I asked him eagerly. Then he finally _did_ smile at me. It was small, but it was still a smile. He had straight teeth. My dentist said I might have to get braces or at least a retainer.

"It's really good," he said and I told him all about how my mom taught me how to bake cakes back when I turned nine but that I'll turn ten in a few months when school starts again.

"My birthday's in fifteen days," he told me and I grinned at him.

"What kind of cake is your favorite? Alice and I will make you one." He thought this over.

"Chocolate," he said finally.

"And what's your favorite color?" I asked because my mom also taught me how to make different colored frosting with food coloring and vanilla icing. He'd be so surprised.

"Blue, I think," he said and I nodded.

"Do you like it here?" I asked because I wanted him to keep talking. It was like doing a magic trick.

"It's…nice," he said. "I like the big backyard. We didn't have one at our apartment."

"Where did you live before?"

"Chicago. It's a big city and it has the best pizza." I wrinkled my nose.

"I don't think I like pizza," I told him and he frowns.

"You just haven't had good pizza then."

"Maybe," I told him and Alice came back into the kitchen, her mouth hanging wide open like I suddenly grew four heads.

"I should go see if Aunt Esme needs any help," he said quietly and started to leave.

"Wait! Me and Alice are gonna go to the playground later before the party I think, if you want to come," I called after him and he smiled at me again.

"Okay," he said and then went upstairs. Alice was still looking at me like I was crazy.

"How did you do that?" she asked. I shrugged and checked on the cake.

Edward went with us to the playground later and Alice let him frost the cake. He did it nice, even lines as my mom cut up strawberries for us. She said he had "good attention to detail" and he turned all red, I laughed at him even though I didn't mean to. He looked embarrassed but he smiled at me anyways.

I spent the next few years laughing at him and pushing his buttons and getting him to smile at me, his face pink. Eventually, he started pushing buttons right back.

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><p><strong>hmmmm so seems like a good start for them, right?<br>**

**in case you care: my story _simple as this_ was nominated for two awards if you have read it and wouldn't mind voting (the links are in my profile)**

**~ THANK YOU FOR READING ~**

**next chapter should be up in the next few days**

**much love,**

**meg**


	4. Chapter 4

**chapter four**

**somewhere close to stockbridge, massachusetts, 7:06 pm**

**mixtape: happy alone by saintseneca**

It's been three hours and we haven't spoken a word to each other, the awkwardness falling over us like a thick blanket of snow as I stare out the window, watching rain come down in buckets.

I'm never at a loss for words but I don't particularly feel like wasting any of them on Edward. We've been listening to this horrible AM talk radio show for the last hour and it's grating on my nerves. I can't take it anymore.

"Are we going to stop soon for dinner?" I ask, my voice thick from not using it in so long. He jumps a little, like he forgot I was in the car with him.

"Oh, yeah, there's a rest stop in a few miles. I think there's a McDonalds there, if that's okay," he says, his tone is constantly uncertain and it gets under my skin.

"McDonald's is fine," I shrug, worried that the irritation is leaking into my voice. I don't know why he annoys me so much, there's just something about it that's always gotten to me—he was never confident in the years that I knew him. He was quiet and polite but he let people push him around. I used to stand up for him when we were little, mostly in elementary school when the boys all made fun of him for only hanging out with me.

We fall back into an uncomfortable silence as we go the last few miles to the exit, those golden arches and the promise of greasy food in the distance. As soon as Edward throws the truck into park, I'm practically running to the building, stretching my legs with every stride.

"I'm going to the restroom," I call to him over my shoulder but I don't wait to hear his response. After I've taken care of business, I'm washing my hands and not that I care about what Edward Cullen thinks about me-but I spend a few more minutes than necessary in front of the mirror, just swiping some mascara on my eyelashes and putting some tinted lip balm on to make up for the hair situation. From running through the rain a few minutes ago, the brown curls have gone from big to monstrous. My eyes are wide, a deep brown and my lips are always a little puffy—even pinker now because of the lip balm. I have a smattering of freckles over my nose and cheeks but they're light, not like they were when I was a kid. I tug at my sports bra, wishing I could just get rid of it. I'm so uncomfortable and a little sweaty but there's no way I can take it off, not until it's cold enough for a sweatshirt. I smooth my t-shirt down and take a deep breath before heading back out.

Edward's leaning against the wall outside the bathroom, messing with his phone and I feel this tug in my chest that catches me off guard because I see that boy I used to know, so skinny and scared underneath what he's grown into when he looks up at me, his green eyes shining.

But I shake it off because he isn't that boy anymore; he hasn't been for a long time.

He follows me to the register and we order an obscene amount of food that I will surely regret in a couple of hours. Edward carries the tray to a table in a corner of the room. There aren't a lot of people here, just a family full of four looking exhausted in their Cape Cod sweatshirts and a bearded man drinking a coffee and reading a newspaper in another corner.

Once we're situated, food unwrapped and I've taken a big gulp of diet Coke, I make myself start a conversation.

"So what's the plan? Are you planning stopping every night to sleep or are we just alternating who is driving the whole way there and just going straight though?"

"I was planning on stopping, no offense but I don't trust your driving," he says seriously, dipping a fry in ketchup. He's got his whole tray neatly organized. I'm sure if he had the time, he'd put his fries in order from shortest to longest.

"What does that mean?" I say because I take _a lot_ of offense. "I'm an excellent driver."

"Bella, you floored it into your garage door _three times_."

"Okay, I was sixteen and I only _floored _it once. The other times I barely hit it. That was years ago!"

"I'm just saying," he says, shrugging.

"I've grown up a lot," I say even though I'm definitely doing some pouting. "Plus I can't afford to stay at a hotel every night."

"I know you have but I don't want to deal with—" I cut him off because I know he's about to offer to pay for me and I do not need charity from Edward Cullen..

"Every other day. That's my deal." I'm getting fired up like I always do. Mom says I'm independent, Alice says I'm stubborn as hell.

"Okay," he says finally, his eyebrows knitted tightly together. I take a big bite out of my cheeseburger and even though I'm glad I got my way, I was hoping he'd put up more of a fight. Because even though Edward's always been a pushover, he would bicker with me until Alice finally had to step in. It was kind of _our_ thing.

But things are different now, obviously.

So now I just feel like an asshole.

"I'm going to need to spend a day in Chicago," he explains, his shoulders squared like I'm going to fight him on this.

"That's fine, it's your trip," I say, but I don't bother asking him why. We finish eating our dinner and Edward throws my trash away for me. We take one more bathroom break and I contemplate calling Angela but I don't want to bother her so I brace myself and walk outside into the rain that's still pouring steadily. Edward's already in the truck when I climb in and he's fiddling with the radio.

"Please no more talk radio," I groan and he frowns at me. "I'm sorry, I can't take it. My brain is going to explode."

"The satellite radio isn't working because of the rain, I don't know what else to put on," he says and I finally hear a little bit of irritation in his voice.

"Angela made me some CDs," I offer, pulling my backpack onto my lap and unzipping the main pocket. There's a stack of five discs and none of them are titled. I put the first one in the disk player and soft strumming of guitars fill the car. Angela's a big indie rock fan, like me, but she likes the softer, songwriter stuff. It matches with the rain falling outside and I dig through my backpack, curious to see what else is stuffed in there. Edward glances at me out of the corner of his eye as I'm pulling things out. Along with the CDs is my favorite sweatshirt, a bunch of snack sized bags of pretzels, a bottle of navy blue nail polish, my phone charger, a couple of issues of _Cosmo_, a pack of gum, my toothbrush, a travel size container of toothpaste, and a pack of facial cleansing wipes.

I send Angela the most grateful text I can think of and I try not to cry over how thoughtful she is.

"That's a lot of stuff," Edward says, his fingers drumming on the steering wheel as we ease back onto the highway. He's a cautious driver.

"Ang packed it, she's practically my mom," I laugh, putting everything away. Edward smiles, I can see one of his dimples.

"She seems like a good friend."

"She's the best, I'm gonna miss her a lot," I tell him and the conversation dies then, we just listen to the gentle strum of the music as the sky grows dark and the pounding of the rain lulls me to sleep.

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><p><strong>thank you for reading and for those who have been review-i love hearing your thoughts. <strong>

**next chapter will be up soon.**

**meg**


	5. Chapter 5

**chapter five**

**near syracuse, new york, 5:26 am**

**mixtape: james by saintseneca**

I wake up with a stiff neck and my mouth fuzzy and dry. The rain has stopped but so have we. It's still dark but I'm squinting under the harsh fluorescent of a streetlamp above us. It looks like we're at a truck stop or rest stop or something. I stretch out, trying to reorient myself to my surroundings.

Roadtrip.

Edward.

He's slumped over, head resting against the driver's side window and snoring softly. His hair's all over the place. Though he looks horribly uncomfortable, his face is so peaceful, not a crease marring his features, he looks almost like a child, like the one I used to know.

The one who used to let me cheat at card games and the one who would carry bugs outside for me when they got into my room and I didn't want my dad to kill them.

But then there are differences-the hard lines of his jaw, his defined cheekbones. Scruff already forming over his cheeks and chin.

I tear my eyes away from him and look for my phone to see what time it is and I find it between my seat and the door, blinking with two missed calls from Alice and a text from Angela asking about the drive.

It's also after five in the morning so I'm hoping that means that we're at least in Pennsylvania or something by now but I feel bad I slept so long. He should've woken me up.

"Edward," I say, my voice still thick with sleep. He doesn't stir so I call out for him again, louder this time and his eyebrows twitch but that's about it.

I sigh.

"Edward," I yell, shaking his shoulder and he jumps, eyes flying open, looking terrified and confused, like he forgot where he is.

"Sorry," I laugh in spite of myself and he looks at his watch, his eyes closing again as he sighs out, "_shit._"

"Have we been stopped long? Where are we?" I ask and he gives me an embarrassed look.

"I pulled off around midnight—the rain was so bad and traffic was so slow, we weren't making any headway and I was exhausted," he says. "I think we're close to Syracuse."

"_What?_" I say, more shrilly than I mean to. But that means we're only in New York—we've only gone a few hours. "Why didn't you wake me up? I could've driven!"

"Like I was going to put my life in your hands in _that_ downpour," he laughs and I glare at him, grabbing my backpack, flying out of the truck. He just can't let the driving thing go, can he?

"Where are you going?" he calls after me. I point ahead of me at the rest stop's main building and shoot him a look over my shoulder that I mean as _duh, you ass_ but the effect is somewhat lost as my foot catches in a crack in the pavement and I fall flat on my face.

"Are you okay?" he yells and his voice is closer, he must be walking towards me. I stand up as quickly as I can and keep moving.

"_Yes, Edward_," I shout even though I'm pretty sure my knee is bleeding. I'm damning myself to hell as I walk into the awful, sallow light of the empty bathroom.

Of all the bathrooms I've ever been in, this is probably one of the worst.

I set my backpack down at the sink and go into one of the stalls, contemplating writing Edward's number under a _for a good time, call_ message but I don't have a sharpie.

Also that would be childish.

My knee is a little scraped so after I wash my hands, I press a wet paper towel to it to stop the bleeding and I try to not berate myself for getting such a little kid injury. I give up on my knee and I wash my face at the sink with hand soap and cold water because the knob is missing off of the hot water side.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit," I mutter through the whole thing, drying off my face with a paper towel. I brush my teeth, staring at my reflection in the dirty mirror, my dark eyebrows pulled together. I don't know why he gets me so riled up; I guess I'm probably making too big a deal out of this but he just gets under my skin.

"I'm a great driver!" I grumble loudly to the mirror right as the door swings open and an older woman comes in with a mop, her eyes growing wide at me. My hair is crazy, all matted to one side and I look like I'm foaming at the mouth, muttering to myself at five thirty in the morning in a dirty public restroom.

"Sorry," I say, toothpaste dripping from my mouth and onto my shirt. She frowns at me and moves towards the last stall on the other end of the room. I finish up as quickly as I can, throwing my sweatshirt on over my newly stained t-shirt.

My eyes are puffy from sleep and I'm getting a zit on my chin but other than that I look okay.

Not that it matters.

I find Edward standing by the truck, stretching his arms over his head and I see just small sliver of the pale skin of his back and my stomach flutters—just a little, but it's enough to stop me in my tracks because I am _not_ allowed to be attracted to him.

I dislike him.

I _dislike him_.

I repeat that in my head the whole way over to him but it feels false, like my brain is telling me to be mad at him but the rest of me is giving up, slowly. When he turns to me, his eyes go to my knee immediately and lines appear in his forehead.

"I'm fine," I sigh. He looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn't. At least, not what I think he wants to.

"I was thinking we could drive a little more—we're an hour outside of Rochester—and then maybe stop somewhere for breakfast? Get some real food?"

"Sure," I say, shrugging as I walk over to the passenger's side.

"You could drive, if you want. For a little bit, maybe." He looks so unsure, his eyes are apologetic. I give him a small smile and reach for the keys.

The keys feel like a peace-offering and it makes my irritation dissipate a little more—I hardly have to swallow a sarcastic comment.

Once we're all situated (I have to move the seat up so far it's almost embarrassing in order to reach the pedals), I tell Edward to put in a new CD. This time, it's more upbeat, acoustic guitar and clapping hands from this band from Ohio that Angela and I saw last summer at Boston Calling.

I tell Edward this, feeling like I need to get conversation going. He's been nervously watching the speedometer ever since I pulled back onto the highway.

"So we had a big break between bands we wanted to see so we were just wandering around looking for something to eat when we saw the band hanging out by their merch table. We bought a couple CDs and Angela asked if they'd take some pictures with us so now I have a bunch of polaroids of the lead singer holding me bridal style and Angela essentially making out with the bassist. We were too drunk, too early," I say, laughing at the memory. I see Edward smile out of the corner of my eye.

"Sounds like you had fun at school," he says and I laugh again.

"Didn't you?" I ask. He went to University of Washington with Alice and her almost-husband, Jasper.

"Nah, spent too much time studying," he says, shrugging.

"Oh, what was your major?" I ask, my tone casual.

"Pre-med, I'm going to Dartmouth for med school," he says drumming his fingers on his thighs.

"Oh really? That's great," I say and I can't stop my smile. "So are you still trying to work in oncology?" I ask because for as long as I can remember, Edward's wanted to help treat people who have cancer. My heart swells at the thought of him doing just that, no matter what's happened to us in the past, he's realizing his dreams and I'm happy for him. Edward blushes and a crooked smile fights his way onto his face.

"Yeah, I think I really want to specialize in the medical part of it," he says softly.

"What's the difference?" I ask, glancing over my shoulder to merge into the far left lane. Edward takes a deep breath as we speed up and I see him clutch the edge of his seat.

"A medical oncologist is someone who oversees the general care for the patients; they do more of the long term stuff. I don't know, I guess I'm not really interested in the surgical part of it—I want to help people without cutting them open," he muses and I laugh quietly.

"You were always kind of squeamish about stuff like that," I say.

"You were always ten times worse; I was always the one who had to put the Band-Aid on your knee while you cried about the smell."

I grin because he's right.

"I'm glad you're doing what you want," I tell him, staring out at the long, mostly empty expanse of road ahead of us. The sun is starting to rise now, just a faint light in the distance.

"But you are too, right? Alice mentioned you were doing something in English."

"Yeah, double major in literary studies and creative writing," I say, feeling a little embarrassed about it, such a trivial degree compared to his. Edward looks pleased, though.

"Good, you were always the best writer," he tells me. "I still have that story you wrote for me in sixth grade."

"No you don't!" I cry, disbelieving. He laughs, deep and full.

"Of course I do, it's amazing." It's my turn to blush now. I remember giving the story to him for his birthday. It was basically a rip off of all of his Superman comics but instead of being a journalist, I made Edward a doctor.

"I was only eleven," I sigh.

"Doesn't matter," he says and we fall back into another silence, this one more comfortable as he turns up the volume of the music and I pretend to not watch him stare at the speedometer.

I accelerate and I try not to laugh at the way he holds onto the edge of his seat a little tighter.

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><p><strong>slowly making some progress. we're only getting started, the fun hasn't even started yet.<br>**

**i'd love to hear your thoughts, THANK YOU for reading, seriously it blows my mind that you're spending time with my story. i'd send you all flowers if i could. **

**til next time, **

**meg**


	6. Chapter 6

**thank you to Capricorn75 for rec'ing this at the lemonadestand, thank you all for giving my writing a chance xo**

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><p><strong>chapter six<strong>

**rochester, new york, 7:12 am**

**mixtape: black lemon by generationals**

"So I take it you haven't killed each other yet?" Alice chirps into the phone, skipping the hello. I'm standing right outside of the International House of Pancakes. Edward and I were about to sit down when my phone started buzzing and because it's four in the morning in Seattle, I anticipated a major emergency.

"It's still early," I sigh.

"I'm assuming you've been a total ass to him, am I right?"

"He deserves it," I say indignantly.

"You've gotta let it go," she says, exasperated.

"Is there a reason you're calling me so early?" I say, ignoring her.

"Couldn't sleep, I'm too excited to see you," she giggles.

"You're so full of shit," I laugh. "But I'm excited to see you, too."

I look in the window, just a glance, and there's Edward looking over the menu with a look of intense concentration. He's probably drumming his fingers on his thighs over which omelet to get. I watch him bite his lip and suddenly Alice is shouting my name.

"Sorry, what?"

"You are seriously the worst listener. Are you aware of that?"

"I'm sorry, I'm just…distracted."

"Ew, don't talk about my cousin like that."

"Go to bed, Alice," I grumble, not even bothering to deny it. Alice _tsk_s at me.

"I love you, keep me updated, _be_ _nice_," she sings and doesn't even wait for my response—there's a beep and she's gone. Like always. Alice says pleasantries waste her time.

"Everything okay?" Edward asks when I get back to the table. He's already ordered me a coffee and it sits in front of me, dark and steaming.

"Yeah, just Alice being Alice," I say. "Thank you, for the coffee, I mean."

"Oh, you're welcome," he says and we both take some time to study the menu while I bite my thumb nail. I'm trying to decide between pancakes and an omelet when a shadow falls over the table. I look up to find who I assume is our waitress looking at me disdainfully. She's older, probably thirty at least but she's pretty—light red hair and bright blue eyes, her makeup carefully applied.

"It looks like the rest of your party made it after all," she jokes to Edward but there's something about the way she says it that makes me feel like she isn't happy with this latest development. Edward smiles at her but I cut in.

"I just had to make a phone call," I say but she doesn't look at me, just nods at Edward absently, her smile big and revealing perfect, white teeth.

"What can I get you?" she says but her voice low and honestly too sexy for an IHOP on a Friday morning.

"_I'll_ have the garden omelet," I say, probably too loudly and emphatically. She glances at me and gives me a tight smile.

"And I'll have the breakfast sampler," Edward says, giving me a look that can only say _are you okay_ _you crazy nutcase_.

Sexy waitress takes our menus from Edward, maneuvering it somehow that their hands touch during the exchange. His cheeks turn pink and I take a big drink of my coffee, which I immediately regret because it burns the hell out of my mouth.

"What are you doing?" he asks, his voice low and eyes wide.

"Sorry I interrupted your little tryst with the hot waitress," I say and god, do I sound jealous. I'm not jealous. I'm not.

It's just weird.

I'm not jealous.

Edward picks up on my tone.

"There's nothing—"

"Tell _her_ that," I say.

"She's just being nice, that's her _job_," he says and I can tell he's annoyed.

"What's her job? Picking up future doctors while they're having breakfast with someone else?"

"That doesn't matter, I'm not dating you."

"_She _doesn't know that," I hiss and he slaps his hand on the table.

"I'm literally doing_ nothing_ right now, you need to calm down."

I narrow my eyes at him.

"I'm serious, I get that you're still mad at me after…you know, but you're gonna need to move on. You've been a total dick this entire trip and I'm done being nice about it. You got it out of your system now it's time to _move on_. I said I was sorry, you can still hate me just…don't." He looks tired, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands.

I stew in my seat, feeling like I just got yelled at by my dad for lying about cleaning my room. I know it's time to swallow my pride, just give it up for now and make a truce. Just to finish this trip so he doesn't feel like I'm going to light his suitcase on fire if he looks at me wrong.

It's time to grow up.

But there's this nagging in my stomach because he _had_ apologized once, but not for what I needed him to.

Looking at him now, I get the feeling that he never will. He just doesn't get it and I've been holding out for something I'll never get.

I sigh deeply.

"I'm sorry I've been such an asshole—you don't deserve it, you went out of your way to pick me up. You're doing me a favor. And if you wanna bang the waitress, bang the waitress. Don't let me stop you."

He looks at me exasperated, but satisfied.

"Truce?" I say, holding out my pinky finger. He smiles.

"Truce." His pinky wraps around mine and I'm almost shocked by the feeling of his skin on mine.

I look up and I see those green eyes, deep and hopeful but always a little sad.

This sensation settles itself in my chest.

I feel thirteen again.

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><p><strong>next chapter should go up in the next few days<strong>

**meg**


	7. Chapter 7

**this story was featured at the International House of Fanfic by ficsisters, so that was _incredible. _Thank you for reading, and thank you to those who have been reviewing-i am so blown away by all of this.  
><strong>

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><p><strong>chapter seven<strong>

**forks, washington**

**nine years ago**

**mix tape: moths wings by passion pit (stripped down version)**

Thanksgivings were always a big deal with my family. Before Gran Swan died, we'd go visit her in Vancouver for the weekend and she and my dad would spend the day arguing about how she left the stove on again or how she forgot to take her medication and she'd tell him to mind his own goddamn business. Then my mom would tell them to shut up and we'd eat dry turkey (because Gran forgot to take it out of the oven in time) and watch _The Bishop's Wife_ on her tiny, box television.

Our first Thanksgiving without her was the year I turned thirteen. That was when Carlisle and Esme invited us over to celebrate with them instead and while I was missing Gran, I was happy to be spending the holiday with the Cullens.

Alice ran out to meet us as we were carrying pies and wine up the driveway, her hair long and pin straight, swinging around her as she took a pumpkin pie from my arms.

"I'm so glad you're all here," she gushed but added under her breath, "I can't deal with Edward anymore." I looked over at her, concern breaking across my face.

"Why?" I asked, opening the front door and letting my parents go in ahead of us. Esme greeted them both warmly, her eyes brightening when she saw the wine.

"He just gets really…blah on Thanksgiving. I think he misses his mom. He doesn't want to be bothered but my mom keeps making me go check on him. It's just really awkward."

"Oh," I said and she shrugged.

"You look nice," she said suspiciously and my cheeks grew warm. Alice rarely saw me in anything other than jeans and a t-shirt and here I was in a deep blue sweater dress and tights, my feet stuffed into a pair of ballet flats that were a size too small.

"It's a holiday, I always dress up for Thanksgiving," I told her and while it was the truth, it was not entirely the whole reason why I spent extra time taming my hair and borrowing my mom's mascara.

In all honesty, it was for Edward.

Because I was nursing a teeny tiny crush on him.

Alice could never find out, she would never let me live it down.

I walked past her into the kitchen, letting Esme pull me into a hug, smelling her Chanel perfume mixed with all the cooking she'd been doing throughout the day. It was very comforting.

"Go talk to him Bella? He's in his room," Esme said quietly into my hair, I looked up at her and nodded at the solemn expression on her face.

Edward's door was closed but I could hear music playing softly. I tried to listen to figure out what it was—I was just hoping it wasn't the Beatles. He only listened to the Beatles when things were especially bad.

_Blackbird_. Crap.

"Edward," I said tentatively, knocking lightly on the door. "It's me."

No answer.

"I'm coming in," I said and tried to twist the doorknob. It was locked.

"I'm just going to unlock it," I warned but still no answer. My palms got sweaty as I pulled a bobby pin out of my hair and maneuvered it around in the small hole in the doorknob until I heard a click. I swung the door open to find Edward hunched over on his bed, the window open in front of him. He had a cigarette in his fingers, smoke pouring out into the biting wind.

He looked up at me, eyes sadder than usual and his face blank. I stared at the cigarette.

"Are you crazy?" I whispered, closing the door quickly and quietly behind me. Edward turned back to the window and took another pull from stick in his hand. His hair was more messed up than usual and he had dark circles under his eyes. I closed the space between us, snatching the cigarette out of his hand, putting it out on the window sill and throwing it outside.

"Why'd you do that?" he asked, his voice flat.

"Don't even start with that," I said. "You know exactly why."

Edward didn't say anything back, just looked out the window and frowned. This wasn't how I wanted today to go at all. I had daydreams of him greeting me at the door, complimenting me on my dress and then he wouldn't be able to keep his eyes off me all through dinner.

I climbed onto the bed next to him, not worrying about my dress riding up as I curled up next to him. The wind that was coming in was brutal.

"Did Esme send you up here?" he asked after a while.

"Of course," I admitted. "But I would've found you eventually."

He sighed.

"What was with the cigarette?"

"Tyler gave me some," he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"_Tyler?_" I asked, my voice shriller than I meant for it to be. "Why would you be taking anything from _Tyler_? He's awful to you!"

It was true—Tyler Crowley never took to Edward, he made it his own personal goal to torment Edward at every turn, just because he was quiet and Tyler could get away with it when I wasn't there.

Edward shrugged and we fell back into silence. I was trying not to shiver from the open window, but Edward seemed completely unaffected in his ratty t-shirt. He still made my heart beat way too fast; he was still the cutest boy I'd ever seen.

"I have to close this, I'm sorry," I told him, getting up on my knees and slamming the window closed. Edward followed my movements, his eyes staying on me the whole time, like he finally decided to see me. He raised an eyebrow.

"You're wearing a dress," he said and my cheeks flamed as I sat back down next to him, our arms touching. I was starting to regret dressing up.

"It's a holiday," I cried, exasperated and I finally got a smile from him. It was small and tentative but it was there.

"It looks nice, B," he said and I thought I was going to explode.

"Thanks," I replied quietly.

"I don't want to go down there yet," he told me, his eyebrows pulled together.

"I don't either," I said, grinning. "Alice will come looking for us, though."

"Esme will put her to work, she'll be a while," he said. "Wanna play Mario Kart?"

"If you're ready to _lose_ at Mario Kart," I told him and he laughed, big and full as he went over to the small TV across the room, turning on his Gamecube. We played through almost all of the courses before Alice came in, looking at us like we abandoned her. We spent the rest of the afternoon playing Gamecube and trash talking each other and Edward was all smiles, but I didn't see that sadness leave from his eyes. I didn't know if it ever completely would.

Dinner was a loud event, the wine my parents brought was mostly gone by the time we were all seated and my dad was passing out turkey. Edward was sitting across from me at the table, his gaze staying on mine and my heart feeling too full with those green eyes and his soft smile.

When it's time to go, the Cullens all walked us out, Esme and Alice each gave me a quick hug, Carlisle clapped me on the shoulder. When I got to Edward, he pulled me into a tight hug and my palms started to sweat.

"No more smoking," I whispered into his ear and when we broke apart, I held my pinky out to him.

"I promise," he said, wrapping his pinky around mine. I smiled, satisfied.

"Thank you, B. For everything," he said and I just nodded.

"See you tomorrow, probably," I told him, heading towards the car.

"Tomorrow," he called and at the sound of his voice, I knew I was in impossibly deeper than I was before.

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><p><strong>next chapter should be up very very soon!<strong>

**meg**


	8. Chapter 8

**chapter eight**

**concord, ohio, 1:39 pm**

**mixtape: i feel it all by feist**

"You are going to spill nail polish all over my car," Edward says, his tone dripping with irritation.

"It's not _your_ car. It's _Carlisle's_," I say, pulling my socks off and wiggling my toes.

"Your feet stink," he complains and I roll my eyes at him.

"I gotta let them breathe," I tell him, shaking the bottle of nail polish Angela had packed in my bag. I twist the cap off, propping my feet up on the dash.

Ever since we had our little truce at IHOP, the trip has been considerably easier to handle. It's not as awkward anymore because I've stopped being outwardly and obviously mad at him.

Now I'm just annoying him.

And though he's been voicing his regrets about bringing me along, I can see that he's just joking. He looks almost joyful every time I complain about the song he chooses on the radio.

I swipe the deep blue over my big toenail carefully, my tongue between my lips in concentration.

"What are you, performing surgery over there? I don't think you focused that hard on the SAT," he says.

"Eyes on the road, grandma. You might go over 30 miles an hour if you're not careful," I snap. He doesn't say anything but he taps the brakes quickly , making my hand jerk forward and get paint all over my toes.

"Are you serious?" I shriek and he laughs and laughs and laughs.

"You owe me a Crunchwrap," I say, pointing at the sign telling us there's a Taco Bell at the next exit. He makes a face.

"Taco Bell? Really?"

"You don't like Taco Bell? I lived on Taco Bell during college. I swear, it's the best drunk food you can get," I tell him, fixing my nail polish with a napkin I found on the floor of the truck.

"I've never been there," he says and a let out a surprised yell. The truck swerves a little bit and I smudge my nail polish again.

"Jesus, what?" he breathes, hand over his heart as he glances from the road ahead to his rearview mirror in quick succession.

"We need to go to Taco Bell _right now-take this exit Edward Cullen I swear to god_."

In less than ten minutes we're in line at the drive thru and I'm rubbing my hands together excitedly while Edward stares at the menu.

"The cheesy gordita crunch is amazing," I say. "But so are the chalupas. And honestly you can't go wrong with fiesta potatoes."

"This all looks terrible," he sighs and I fight the urge to punch him.

He ends up ordering the gordita and I get a crunchwrap with a large Baja Blast. When we pull up to the window, I shout _"We need lots of fire sauce!"_ and I watch the elderly man at the register put a handful in our bag.

Edward looks at me like I'm absolutely out of my mind as we pull into a parking space. I get all of the food out of the bag, Edward still making a face when he unwraps his gordita. I hand him a packet of fire sauce and wait for him to take a bite.

And then another.

And then another.

We go through the drive thru one more time on our way out, Edward orders three more gorditas and the fiesta potatoes.

I sip my drink smugly.

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><p><strong>taco bell, though. <strong>

**next chapter will be up later tonight/tomorrow. **


	9. Chapter 9

**thank you for your reviews-glad you all had so much to say about taco bell! woohooooo tbell is my life, let's all bond over crunchwraps sometime. **

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><p><strong>chapter nine<strong>

**forks, washington **

**nine years ago**

**mixtape: youth by daughter**

"That boy likes you," Rosalie said, flipping through her magazine once Edward and Alice left. Rosalie was in town for the weekend and we were all watching a movie but Esme called them home for dinner. Rose was two years older than me and she knew a lot about boys. She was only fifteen but she'd already had three boyfriends and she'd kissed all of them. I couldn't even get a boy to hold my hand.

"What? No he doesn't," I said nervously, picking up empty Coke cans.

"Yes he does," she said, glancing up at my red face. "Oh my god, you like him, too."

"No!" I said too quickly and too loudly, my face getting hotter with every passing second. The whole thing was kind of awkward because I hadn't seen Edward in a while. I was avoiding him—just a little bit—because I was unsure of how to act around him without breaking into a sweaty, stuttering mess.

Rosalie smiled and finally abandoned her magazine.

"Tell me everything! And just drop the act, I know you like him. Moving on."

I hesitated but I finally plopped down on the couch, exhausted with keeping this secret. I told Rosalie about how this all started with my birthday in September-how he bought me a new copy of my favorite book and made me a mix cd.

"He said they were songs that made him think of me," I told her, my cheeks still red. "He put _Green Eyes _on there."

"You have brown eyes…"she said, like it was the dumbest thing she'd ever heard.

"Yeah but the song is all, _I could never go on without you_. Coldplay got very romantic with that one." Rosalie smirked.

"So…he likes you."

"Do you think so?"

"Duh, so when is he going to tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"That he likes you!" she sighed, exasperated. I bit my lip.

"_If_ he _does_ like me, he'll never say anything. He's so shy."

"So tell him."

"I can't just _tell_ him."

"Sure you can, this is the 21st century. It's not like you have to march right up to him and tell him. Just think of something else. You're creative."

"I don't want to ruin everything," I said quietly. Rosalie shrugged.

"You wouldn't ruin anything. He likes you; it's like, _so_ obvious."

"Really?"

"Bella, I'm going to punch you. Yes."

So that night once Rosalie went to bed, I did what I did best—I wrote. I wrote Edward a letter because he always said he loved my writing and that way I didn't have to confront him about it directly. I felt like a coward but I also felt kind of brave for putting it out there. If Rose was right, maybe I'd get to hold his hand. I blushed thinking about his lips on mine.

The next day, after Rosalie was on her way back to Seattle, I was a nervous wreck walking over to the Cullens' house. It was snowing pretty heavily for March but I liked the snow, it made the world feel more alive when the winter killed everything else. I took the snow as a good sign when I rang the doorbell, clutching the letter tightly to my chest. Esme answered the door, pleasantly unsurprised to see me as she always was.

"Is Edward here?" I asked.

"No, he went to the park," she explained and that wasn't completely unexpected. Edward went to the park down the street pretty often, just to walk and blow off some steam. I usually ended up finding him there and we'd swing or skip stones on the pond.

I said goodbye to Esme and headed towards the park, my nerves growing with every step. Was I just going to hand him the letter and leave? Let him read it in front of me? God, no I couldn't watch him read it.

When I got to the edge of the playground, I could see Edward sitting on his usual swing, but instead of the one next to him being open for me like it usually was I could also see Mike Newton sitting in it. Tyler Crowley was in front of them with a skateboard under his foot. They were all holding cigarettes, the tips burning orange.

"Hey!" I shouted, running towards them and they all turned to look at me. Edward's expression went blank but Tyler laughed.

"You promised!" I said, all my anxiety forgotten because this meant that Edward lied to me and he _never_ lied to me.

"Uh oh, wittle Edward is in trouble," Tyler snickered, his face twisting into a zit covered sneer. I heard Mike laugh and then cough a little from the smoke of his cigarette.

"Shut up, Tyler," I shouted, backing up towards Edward.

"Go away, Bella," he said and for the first time ever, his voice sounded _mean_. I turned to him, my brow furrowed. His expression was annoyed, but there was something else there. I couldn't quite place it.

"What?" I cried, my heart sinking. He never told me to leave, never chose to be in the presence of Tyler or Mike Newton over me. He hated them and they hated him. Right?

"You need to stop, Bella, you're not my mom," he said, his eyes so intense it scared me. I felt my throat tighten. This wasn't how this was supposed to go at all.

"I-I wasn't trying to be, I was just—" I said quietly, tugging at the sleeve of my coat, suddenly too warm.

"Well, don't." He wouldn't look at me, but I could hear Tyler and Mike _oooooh_-ing from behind me.

"Bye, Bella," Tyler snickered and I looked to Edward again, disbelieving, but he wouldn't meet my eyes. I hesitated for just a moment longer, hoping he would come to his senses but when he didn't look up, I took off running down the street, tears freezing on my cheeks and snow blinding me as I went.

By the time I got to Alice's, I realized I didn't have the letter.

I must have dropped it in the park.

I didn't even bother knocking; I just ran upstairs and barged right into her room, where she was doing some homework. She looked up at me, her eyes wide with concern as she took in my tear stained cheeks.

"What happened?" she asked, pushing her books aside and making room for me on the bed. I relayed what happened in the park. Alice didn't seem surprised; her eyebrows only raised slightly when I mentioned the cigarette.

"He's been hanging out with them a lot lately. He thinks you're avoiding him," she said carefully, watching for my reaction.

"I'm not!" I say though it's a lie—but it's not like I'm avoiding him because I hate him or something—the opposite is true.

"Everyone's been saying you like Eric Yorkie. I think he's jealous," she said and that was when I practically jumped off the bed.

"_What?!_" I shouted, throwing my hands in the air.

"Yeah because you guys have been spending a lot of time together…"

"I'm tutoring him in English!" I screeched, exasperated. "He didn't want me to tell anyone that he needed help!"

"Yeah, well, he's been telling people other things then," she said, rubbing her eyes.

"But that doesn't explain why Edward would be so mean," I cried, pacing the room.

"I mean, if you look at it from his perspective, he thinks you're basically dumping him for Eric and then you went and embarrassed him in front of his friends. He's probably just upset. Let him cool off, talk to him tomorrow."

"He was really mad, Alice," I say, my voice low and I felt tears come to my eyes again.

"He'll get over it. Just talk to him tomorrow. You know how moody he is."

I couldn't go back to the park in case Edward was still there so I was just hoping the letter had blown away. I didn't address it to anyone but I did sign my name. I wished a deer had eaten it or the wind had carried it to Montana or somewhere else very far away from here.

I went home and tried to eat dinner but I just pushed the food around on my plate while my mom asked if I was sick and kept putting her hand on my forehead until I finally just asked to be excused so I could finish my homework. I didn't get any work done; I just stared at the wall and tried to calm my breathing.

My mom dropped me off at school the next day because I was up until after three the night before and ended up oversleeping, missing my bus and all of homeroom. My stomach was in knots as I went to my locker, trying not to run into the throngs of my classmates changing classes. It only got worse when I saw that there was a piece of paper taped to the front of it.

It was my letter.

Correction: it was a photocopy of my letter.

Which was ten times worse.

Because who knew how many were in circulation?

I heard a giggle from my left and I looked over to find Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory a few feet away, whispering behind their hands and their eyes focused solely on me.

Oh no.

"_You're eyes make my heart beat too fast, your laugh is like a windy day,_" someone said loudly on the other side of me and Lauren and Jessica laughed even harder. It was Tyler, holding a piece of paper in front of him with a nasty gleam in his eye.

Those were my words and he was practically spitting them back in my face. Other students were stopping around us, wanting to get in on the action they'd probably been told about during homeroom.

"What is wrong with you?" I cried, my cheeks flaming and eyes burning.

"Just thought Yorkie should see the note you wrote him," he laughed and suddenly Alice was next to me, ripping the paper out of his hand and off of my locker. Her arm made its way tightly around me.

"You have no idea what you're talking about," I said, my voice thick as Alice pulled me towards the bathroom. We passed Edward on the way there, he was leaning against a wall, gaze locked on mine and though his expression was indifferent, his eyes betrayed something else.

He looked ashamed.

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><p><strong>we're only at the tip of the iceberg, folkz. if i finish this history paper, the next chapter will be up tonight. if not, tomorrow. <strong>

**drop a review if you feel like it, thank you for reading!**

**meg**


	10. Chapter 10

**hiiiii just a short little thang for tonight. the length will probably vary by chapter, to be honest. some will be short but they'll come two at a time usually. Thanks for reading!**

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><p><strong>chapter ten<strong>

**fremont, Indiana, 1:29 am**

**mixtape: dislocating by bella ruse**

We were stuck in standstill traffic by Toledo for five hours because there was major construction on the highway as well as a big concert happening at some arena close by. I think it was some boy band judging by all the moms stuck in the lanes around us, tweens dancing excitedly in the backseats with phrases like, _Marry Me, Harry_ painted on the rear windows.

So it's safe to say that we are very behind schedule and were at each other's throats the whole time because apparently Edward gets very irritable during long periods of soccer mom's cutting in front of him. I spent the time writing poems on napkins and McDonald's bags I found on the floor. I make myself write for at least an hour every day, just to stay in the habit. I wrote a lot about nostalgic sighs and driving past decaying factories.

Once we got past the worst of it, I made Edward let me drive because he looked strung out and exhausted. He's sleeping now but it's almost time to switch again so he can drive the rest of the way to Chicago, since he knows the area better than I do. I don't know where we're staying once we get to the city but I hope I can shower—I feel like a truck driver.

I glance over at Edward; his eyes closed tightly, my backpack pressed between his cheek and the window as a lumpy pillow.

I have that first CD playing, soft voices lilting as I drive on this dark road, passing the occasional streetlamp and I'm overwhelmed with this feeling of sadness, seeing him over there and I'm not even bitter, just unhappy.

After the whole fiasco at school, the day that Tyler passed around my letter to most of the kids in my eight grade class, I spent a solid hour crying in the bathroom with Alice. She rubbed my back as we sat in the corner of a locked stall while I tried to keep my voice down. I didn't tell her the letter was about her cousin. I didn't need to. She knew.

I couldn't do the rest of the day, so I walked the two miles home with Alice and we laid on my couch watching bad reality shows and I tried not to think about Edward. I faked sick for two days of school and on third day my mom made me go because I wouldn't tell her the truth about why I was trying to skip.

Tyler stopped me in the hallway on my way to homeroom and I promptly kicked him in the crotch so hard that he collapsed on the ground and I got suspended for two days and my dad grounded me for five.

No one messed with me at school after that.

When I was suspended, Edward came to the house once and I told my mom to tell him I didn't want to see him. I was still so mad at him, so embarrassed; I just needed a few days to calm down.

But he never came back.

That was what hurt me the most, I think. The fact that he gave up on me so easily really cuts me deep, still. I gave so much of myself to him and he just…dropped me and I never knew why. I don't know what part he had in the whole letter thing so I don't know where to place the blame but I don't know if it really matters.

I steal another glance at him and the sadness hits me like a brick, deep in my chest. Because I think some part of me will always miss him, will always love him a little bit because of how deeply he rooted himself in me when we were young.

No one could ever come close to that sad boy with the soft voice and raised eyebrow.

I drive another half hour but pull off when I see a rest stop because I need to pee and wash my face. I wake Edward up and his eyes are tired and it hurts to look at him.

It's like the night has turned me into a wistful widow, waiting for her lover to come back from his time at sea. But my lover was never mine, and he'll probably never come back. I don't know if I'd ever let him even if he tried.

I snuggle into my corner of the passenger seat and try to fall asleep, listening to Edward humming along to the radio and tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

"Goodnight, B," he says softly and I feel my throat constrict.

I don't trust my voice to say it back.

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><p><strong>next chapter will probably be up in the next few days, the semester is coming to an end so the next few weeks are going to be crazy busy, but i'll try to stay consistent. <strong>

**kthanksbye love u all soy much**

**meg**


	11. Chapter 11

**wow sorry i am garbage and it took so long to get this out-plus it's short. i've had a shitshow of personal issues this week that just came one after the other. but enough excuses, thank you for reading, super thank you to those who reviewed the last chapter **

**(also the song for this chapter is on point and it's also beautiful so do yourself a favor and listen to it, it's amazing i promise)**

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><p><strong>chapter eleven<strong>

**chicago, illinois, 5:57 am**

**mixtape: above the clouds of pompeii by bears den**

I wake up in a cemetery.

Which is probably something from one of my recurring nightmares, so it takes me a minute to realize that I haven't been chased by my middle school bus driver in the last hour and that I'm inside the truck, still strapped in to my seat, both of my feet asleep.

I take another glance out the window.

Yep, definitely a cemetery. The truck is parked under a big tree, its branches long and twisting, leaves glowing green in the rising sun. Skies are clear, it looks like it's going to be a good day.

Except I'm in a graveyard, my driving partner is gone and I still can't feel my feet.

I don't see any sign of Edward in the surrounding area—I don't see anyone. Just tombstones and trees, shadows filtering through the branches and leaves, rays of light hitting the foggy morning mist.

Once I get the feeling back in my feet I decide to get out, desperate to stretch and maybe find Edward and ask him what the hell is going on.

It's relatively cool, a light breeze coming through and the air is refreshing, nothing like the staleness of the car. Maybe I'll ask if we can drive with the windows down when we head out. Judging by the skyline behind me, I'm guessing we made it to Chicago after all.

It's so silent here, I don't want to call Edward's name so I just walk a little, enjoying the quiet and the peace of getting some alone time.

I do this because I'm 98 percent sure Edward didn't bring me here to murder me and I'm almost positive that everything is going to be fine.

I'm turning around a big mausoleum, closer to the tree line when I see him—he's hunched over, his head on his knees and his hair standing up like he's been really tugging his fingers through it. I make my way over to him slowly and I can make out some of the writing on the stone he's leaning on.

_Cullen_.

Oh.

_Oh._

I feel my stomach drop because of course; of course his mom would be buried in Chicago.

Of course he'd want to come here.

I sit down next to him and he looks up, startled, his eyes red and it looks like something's broken inside him and it splits my heart in two to see his lip trembling. He doesn't look twenty three in this moment, he is small and scared and so alone and I feel tears spring into my own eyes.

"I…" he says but he doesn't finish his thought and I recognize this—this was every holiday, every birthday I spent with him.

I never knew if it went away when we got older.

I guess not.

I put my arm around him like I used to and he leans into me, eventually letting his head rest in my lap. I can feel him shaking, just slightly, and I rub his back until it passes.

I never knew how to make this pain stop, I still don't know how.

I wonder if things would have been different, if I had just let him come in that day after school. If he would have apologized, if we would have cleared the air and moved on.

I think about every birthday I missed, every thanksgiving I spent at the opposite end of the table from him, trying my best not to look at him. I think about avoiding his eyes in the halls at school, I think about how I never got to hold his hand, and I wonder who took care of him on those days when things were really bad. I wonder if he eventually went to Esme, or if Tyler and Mike were there for him. In college, did he date someone who held him at night when he couldn't sleep? Does he have someone now, who he needs to call and talk this out, the sound of her voice soothing him?

I don't ask him any of this; I just stay here with him until he's ready.

By the time he sits up, my lap is numb. I watch him carefully.

"I'm sorry to just kind of drag you here," he says, his voice hoarse. "If I didn't do it now, I probably never would. I…I haven't been here since…since the funeral." There's so much shame in his eyes.

"It's okay, it's not like you've been in the area," I say because he's been thousands of miles across the country. His frown deepens.

"I was here all summer, helping my grandma pack and move. She kept trying to get me to come I just… I couldn't."

"It's okay," I say quietly but his eyes squeeze shut.

"It's not though. I've just done so many things wrong. She was all I had for my whole life," he says, really looking at me, his eyes open and so intense. "I regret so much, B. I got so lost without her and I just can't find my way back. "

Those eyes, green as the grass beneath us and the trees above us, are asking forgiveness. For what exactly, I'm not sure but I can see it—like a prayer and the emotion of it hits me hard and I find his hand and squeeze it hard, his long fingers interlacing with mine and he lets out a deep breath.

"Let's take a walk," I offer and after a moment or two, we get to our feet and Edward lets me lead him out of the cemetery and onto the street, his hand staying tightly in mine.

* * *

><p><strong>hopefully will have the next chapter up in a few dayz.<br>**

**thanks for reading!**

**meg**


	12. Chapter 12

**thank you for reading this far-i'm blown away with the response to this story, seriously. also sorry if there are any typos throughout all of this. I try to proofread the best I can but i miss stuff, obviously. **

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><p><strong>chapter twelve<strong>

**chicago, illinois, 8:15 am **

**mixtape: fight to keep by run river north**

After walking for what seems like miles and miles through what doesn't look like the best part of town, Edward's breathing is back to normal and though he still looks a little upset, he's starting to point out stores he used to go in when he was a kid, who has the best pizza, where he once got caught stealing a Twix bar when he was six.

"What about breakfast?" I ask, my stomach growling at the thought of pancakes. He smiles, just slightly.

"There's a good place a couple blocks from here. My grandma and I went a lot over the summer."

"Lead the way," I say and I'm very aware that our hands are still clasped tightly together.

The restaurant is in a brick building, sandwiched between a consignment store and what could be a bar, but there isn't a sign so I don't know for sure. Edwards opens the door for me, letting go of my hand and instead moves his own hand to my lower back, leading me inside.

The big windows at the front of the building are letting in a lot of bright natural light, the exposed brick walls are covered in paintings and posters, people are scattered throughout at different tables, reading newspapers and drinking coffees.

The hostess, a short woman with her graying hair pulled up into a high ponytail, smiles broadly when she sees us.

"Edward! Back so soon! Already sick of med school?" she teases. Her accent is thick and Edward grins.

"We're on our way to a wedding, wanted to stop and see the old lady," he says and she rolls her eyes at him.

"Oh yes, how is your grandma? She like her new place?" she asks but she finally lets her eyes look to me. "And who is _this?_"

"Yeah, she's already driving the nurses crazy. And this is Bella," he says, his hand still burning on my back. "She's an old friend."

The hostess looks skeptical for a split second but doesn't press further; instead she gives me a warm smile.

"Hi Bella, I'm Tanya, nice to meet you. But enough of my talk, let's get you guys seated. The usual, Edward?" He nods and we're led to a table in the corner of the room, right next to the window. We sit across from each other in mismatched chairs as Tanya hands us each a menu.

"Not that you need one," she teases, winking at Edward and he laughs. "I'll be back with some coffee."

When she's gone, I can't contain my surprise. Edward looks mildly embarrassed.

"Gram and came here almost every day. Her old house is just up the road," he says.

"Where did she move to?"

"Nursing home in Evanston," he says, flipping through the menu. "I spent the summer packing up her house and moving most of her stuff into storage or taking it to her church to donate it."

"That's…really nice of you," I say because it is. He shrugs.

"She's done a lot for me. That's actually why I wanted to stop here. I want to take her out to dinner."

"Oh, of course, you guys should definitely do that."

"You can come with us, B," he says, laughing a little.

"I don't want to intrude," I say. "Your grandma doesn't want to see me, she wants to see _you_!"

Edward rolls his eyes.

"She wants to meet you, she won't let me come without you—trust me."

I'm about to argue with him more but Tanya comes back with a tray holding a steaming pot of coffee and two mugs.

"Here you go, are you two ready to order?" Tanya asks, pulling a notepad and a pen out of her apron.

"I'll have the usual," Edward says and I panic because I didn't even look over the menu. "Bella will have the pancakes."

I shoot him a look—but I can't decide if it's because he ordered for me or because he knew exactly what I want.

I pour us both coffee and Edward reaches for the dish of creams and sweeteners at the far end of the table.

We're like an old married couple.

I don't hate it.

In fact, I can't stop the smile that fights its way onto my face and Edward looks up at me, his eyes bright.

"What?" he asks, the left side of his mouth pulling up.

"Nothing," I say but we sip our coffee through small grins.

* * *

><p>On the way back to the truck after breakfast, we pass a flower shop.<p>

"Wait," I say and I reach for his arm, pulling him to a stop. He raises an eyebrow at me.

"We should get some flowers…you know, for your mom," I say, suddenly uncertain. He bites his lip and reaches for my hand.

"She always liked sunflowers," he says softly and I lead him inside. I shoo him away as he tries to pay for the bouquet because he wouldn't let me pay for my breakfast. This was my idea anyway.

I carry the sunflowers, vocally admiring how pretty they are and Edward shakes his head at me the whole time, a small smile on his face as I fawn over the vibrant yellow petals.

When we get back to the cemetery, I give Edward the flowers.

"Take your time," I tell him. "I'll be at the truck."

He's gone for a long time, but when he gets in the driver's side, he looks relieved, his eyes a little puffy but otherwise okay.

"Hey Edward," I say.

"Hmm?"

"Can we go to the hotel now? I need a shower."

"I wasn't going to say anything about that…." he trails off and I punch him lightly in the arm.

"You're an ass," I tell him, but I'm mostly kidding.

"Yeah, but you'll get over it."

Maybe I will.

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><p><strong>i hope you all have a great holiday, next chapter should be up soonish. one more week left of this semester and i'm done for a month-think of the updates (weeps joyfully onto computer)<strong>


	13. Chapter 13

**it's just a little one tonight. thank you for reading, to those who are reviewing and especially to those who have been spreading the word about this story-it's far more than i deserve!**

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><p><strong><strong>

**chapter thirteen  
><strong>

**forks, washington**

**five years ago**

**mixtape: let's walk then by joel p west**

"I heard that Connor wants to ask you to prom."

"Seriously?" I asked, my voice high and my eyes going to Edward across the room. It was almost like a reflex—I couldn't help it. It had been years since we spoke outside of the occasional group project we'd been forced into. And even then it was minimal and curt.

But I liked Connor. He was nice and kind of stocky and he played the violin. He sat next to me in Calculus and always helped me with the homework and I got butterflies when he looked up at me when I asked him questions.

Alice grinned at me from across the table. We were sitting in the library during study hall. I was trying to read and she was trying to plan for the prom that was still a month away. I saw Edward run a hand through his hair out of the corner of my eye, his gaze darting to mine for a brief second.

"I'm pretty sure Garrett mentioned something to Bree about asking me, and that's fine, he's cute enough," Alice sighed.

"You're impossible," I laughed and she rolled her eyes.

"I just want this year to be over so I can meet college boys," she said, waving her arms around her. "I'm sick of these boys."

"Here we go again," I muttered.

"Shut up!" she said, shooing my words away with a flick of her wrist. Her voice was too loud and several heads snapped in our direction, Edward included.

Alice must have seen my stare meet his, because she clucked her tongue at me.

"You two drive me crazy."

"Alice," I warned, my cheeks flaming. She flipped her long, dark hair behind her shoulders, irritated.

"I'm serious, you're obviously not over him for some reason and he's constantly asking about you."

"No he isn't."

"He is. It's very awkward," she said.

"I'm sorry, Alice," I said softly and she touched my hand across the table.

"I just want you to be happy."

"I am!" I cried but I could feel the lie settle heavily in my chest. "I wonder how Connor's going to ask me."

Alice's smile brightened and she drummed her fingers on the table excitedly, falling for my topic change.

"I hope he gets you flowers."

"I hope it's not in front of everyone," I told her, biting my lip.

* * *

><p>But it was. In front of everyone.<p>

Well, not everyone.

But it was in front of enough people.

I was at my locker the following week right after the school day had ended, getting my books together. I was trying to decide if I wanted to lug my Calc book home for the weekend or not when I heard someone knock on the locker next to mine. I shut my door to find Connor standing next to me, his cheeks red and his curly, blonde hair standing all over the place. He was clutching a bouquet of roses tightly in his hand and students were stopping all around us, wanting to watch the show.

I felt my stomach drop, my nerves getting the best of me.

"Bella," he said, his voice cracking slightly.

"Connor," I said, my cheeks flaming.

"I was wondering, if, uh, you wanted to go to prom with me?"

I let out a nervous laugh and he smiled at me.

"Sure. I mean, yes," I told him and he thrust the roses at me. Some girls close to us clapped and someone whistled. If possible, my whole body probably turned bright scarlet.

Connor's grin grew even bigger and he let out a big breath.

"Thanks for the flowers," I told him and he shrugged.

"I gotta go talk to Mr. Banner before he leaves, but I'll call you later?"

"Sure," I said, securing my backpack on my shoulders while try to keep a hold on the roses. I watched him turn down the hallway, giving small smiles to the people who were still lingering around me until I saw Edward at his locker down the hall, his brow furrowed and his mouth in a tight line.

As I walk past him, I hold his gaze but when he's out of sight, I shrug it off.

I leave him behind.

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><p><strong>next chapter should hopefully be up before the weekend. thank you for reading!<strong>

**xo, meg**


	14. Chapter 14

**hiiiiiii i'm back weeeeeeee. thankyou for reading and reviewing-this story was featured at tls this week, in the nursery, that was exciting so thank you to those who made that happen xo  
><strong>

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><p><strong>chapter fourteen<strong>

**chicago, illinois, 11:13 am**

**mixtape: until we get there by lucius**

"So this room has two beds, right?" Edward says to the lady at the check-in desk at the Holiday Inn. She looks at us, exasperated but nods. My guilt intensifies. We walked into the first room they gave us and took one look at the single king bed in the center of the room, his cheeks turning pink and I wheeled us right out and downstairs to swap.

Check-in desk lady hands us a new key card and gives us our room number. I drag my small suitcase behind us and Edward carries his duffle bag into the elevator and I'm positively giddy at the thought of a shower. I'm sure my hair looks as greasy as it feels and I really need to shave my legs, but more than anything I just want to wash off the film of being in a car for two days that's covering my whole body. I feel stale.

The room is nice, like any other hotel room I've ever stayed in. From the window, I can see a pool down below with skyscrapers rising in the distance. It looks a little odd and I laugh softly. I want to collapse on the bed but not before I get clean—I don't want to taint those magnificent white sheets.

Edward, however, practically throws himself on the bed nearest to the door, stretching out and groaning in satisfaction. I watch a lazy smile come onto his face as his eyes drift shut.

"I'm going to take a shower now," I say, grinning at him. He mumbles a muffled _okay_ as I pull out everything I'm going to need from my suitcase.

The bathroom is all white tile and I let out a whimper at the sight of it. I strip off my dirty clothes and turn the shower on, letting steam fill the room. I grab my phone and put on some music, some poppy song from a CD Alice gave me a few years ago. I feel like dancing, finally able to stretch my limbs and when I get under the spray all the tension leaves my body, my muscles relaxing under the hot water. I take my time shampooing and washing with the hotel-provided soap, singing along to the music. I shave my legs carefully because I'm not sure how long it will be before I'll be able to again.

When I get out, I dry off with one of the fluffy white towels, wrapping it around my hair when I'm finished. I pick out the small bottle of lotion from the small basket next to the sink and open it. Tahitian Vanilla. Fancy. I use it, why not? I smooth it over my legs and arms, feeling properly pampered when I'm finished.

Goodness, I love hotels.

Is it too late to change my whole every-other-day policy?

Maybe I could dip into my Seattle savings fund.

I seriously debate this as I blow dry my hair but of course I can't let him get his way. I'm glad I packed my diffuser in my suitcase, it lets my curls come out smoother than they normally do. I put on light make up and pick up the clothes I grabbed from my suitcase. I'm not sure where we're going for dinner so I figured a sundress is fine. It's casual enough, hits just above my knees and Alice says navy blue is my color.

I assess myself in the mirror and it's a vast difference from the girl I morphed into over the last two days. I smile, feeling clean and happy.

When I get out of the bathroom, Edward is still stretched the bed, but he's snoring softly. His body is so long, so lean and his face is always so peaceful when he's asleep.

I decide to let him sleep, scribbling a quick note to have him call me once he wakes up before grabbing my backpack and slipping out the door.

It's sunny out and warm, but a nice breeze is coming from the lake. I love being in the city and though I've never been to Chicago before, the skyscrapers make me feel at home. I send Angela a picture of the street in front of me and I keep walking, feeling the sun warm on my face. I wander for a while, but I don't go down any side streets. I don't want to get lost.

I end up at this little café with ivy growing up the outside walls. There's a small patio out front, so I get a seat there and I order a diet coke for the time being. I had moved my well-worn journal from my suitcase to my backpack so I pull that out, along with a pen. I transfer everything I had written on napkins and other pieces of trash from the truck over the last couple of days into the book.

I want to write about this city, about the boy sleeping soundly back at the hotel, about the breeze and about sunflowers.

So I do, and I write about the boy's eyes across the room from me in the high school cafeteria and about the way I watched him grow taller from a distance, how I just _missed _him even though he humiliated me and broke my heart in one fell swoop.

It's cathartic, writing is, and it has been ever since I was younger. I lose myself to my pen, only interrupted by my phone vibrating loudly on the table next to me almost an hour later.

"Hello?"

"Bella," Edward says, his voice thick with sleep.

"Edward," I say, taking a sip of my drink.

"Where are you?"

I give him the name of the café and he hangs up with the promise of being here soon. The waiter drifts over to me to give me a refill and I tell him that I'll order food soon, that I'm sorry for lingering so long. He shrugs. They aren't very busy right now, anyways.

When I see Edward near the building, my stomach drops—but not in a bad way. His hair is damp, the sun gleaming off of it, making it look redder than it is. He looks rested, hands in the pockets of his jeans and his University of Washington t-shirt looking well worn.

He smiles when he sees me and my breath catches in my throat as he comes onto the patio and sits down across from me. It's a lazy, content grin. I know it's a rare one from him. He's not one to smile easily, everything he does is careful, calculated.

Or at least it was. I'm not so sure anymore.

"Hey," he says, grinning like he can't even help it. I smile back.

"Hey. Did you have a nice nap?"

"Yes, but I wish you would've woken me up—I feel weird about you wandering around by yourself."

I roll my eyes.

"I'm serious," he says, raising an eyebrow. "You're reckless, you know that?"

"For going to a café in the middle of the afternoon?" I challenge. "I'm not eight years old."

"You just…nevermind," he sighs. "Have you eaten yet?"

"No, I was waiting for you," I say shortly, still a little irritated at his comment.

"Well let's order. We don't have to meet Gran until six. Want to do some exploring after lunch?"

"Sure," I say.

"You look nice, by the way," he says, eyes trained on the menu in front of him so he doesn't see me blush.

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><p><strong>they're going to be spending a few more chapters in the windy city-i like spacing it out like this, i think. next chapter will be up by monday most likely. <strong>

**one paper left to write and i'm free of this hellish semester, wish me luck. **

**til next time,**

**meg**


	15. Chapter 15

**SO sorry that this is late-I was more swamped this week than I thought I would be. but the semester is officially over and i am on break for the next month. updates should be sooner and there should be a lot more of them. thank you for reading and reviewing, you're all amazing. **

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><p><strong>chapter fifteen<strong>

**chicago, illinois, 1:19 pm**

**mixtape: heart of a lion by the griswolds **

"Look at how big your head is right now!"

"You're one to talk," Edward grumbles, arms folded over his chest.

"Smile, Mr. Potato Head, I'm taking a picture," I tell him, holding my phone out in front of me. He doesn't smile, but I grin big, leaning into him before hitting the shutter button. I capture our reflections on the Bean—this big mirrored sculpture in Millennium Park that's shaped, well, like a bean. It's really like a huge fun house, distorting bodies and the buildings around us.

I laugh at the picture, holding it out for him to see. The corners of his mouth turn up, ever so slightly. I send it to Alice.

"I wish I had some sunglasses," I say, squinting up at him. He rolls his eyes and grabs my hand, pulling me towards the crowded streets.

* * *

><p>"This is the biggest store I've ever been in," I tell him, not even bothering to hide the awe in my voice. Edward laughs, still holding my hand. It feels nice. Natural.<p>

I imagine Alice seeing us like this. I'd never hear the end of it.

We're in a department store with at least three floors, clothes and shoes and accessories all around us. I practically drool at the sight of it all, wishing I wasn't so broke.

"Why are you torturing me?" I groan as Edward pulls me deeper into the store.

"They have cheap sunglasses here," he says, shrugging, as we near the big accessories displays. _So many sunglasses._

I try on about fifty different ones before finally settling on a pair with heart shaped lenses. Edward laughs at me but his eyes are soft.

"Very you," he says, and I blow him an exaggerated kiss.

* * *

><p>"Are you still afraid of heights?" I ask, holding the disposable camera Edward bought at a drugstore on our way to Navy Pier. I snap a picture of the skyline. Edward rolls his eyes, but he still looks a little nervous.<p>

"How can you blame me?"

"That was so long ago!" I laugh, taking a picture of him before he can stop me. He snatches the camera away from me.

"You pushed me out of a tree!"

"We were eleven! It wasn't even that tall of a tree," I say.

"I still broke my leg," he claims.

"Um, no, you _sprained_ your _ankle._"

"Same thing," he says shortly.

"You're practically a doctor! You of all people should know that it is _not_ the same thing!" He takes my picture, I'm sure my mouth is open, pulled into a smile that I can't stop.

"When this is over, you owe me a snowcone," he says, looking out the window for the first time.

"Deal."

* * *

><p>Edward's grandmother is a short, thin woman with silver hair pulled into a small bun on top of her head. She's wearing what looks like a bright purple kimono and a pair of black pants, her feet tucked into black loafers. He smiles big when she opens the door, dark lipstick and green eyes.<p>

"Sweetie," she squeals, pulling Edward into a big hug. He laughs, leaning into it.

"Hi, Gran," he says when she lets him go, wiping at the lipstick she'd pressed to his cheek.

"Are you Bella?" she asks, her bright eyes settling on me. I smile, smoothing down my dress.

"Yes, it's nice to meet you," I say, holding out my hand for her to shake but she pulls me into a hug too. She's wearing a strong, floral perfume and a big pearl necklace that digs into my chest uncomfortably.

"I've heard so much about you," she says when she releases me. Edward rubs the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"Good things, I hope," I say, laughing a little. She winks at me.

"Anyways," Edward says. "Where are you thinking of going for dinner?"

"I want spaghetti," she says thoughtfully. Edward smiles.

"La Cena?"

"As if there was any other," she says dismissively, beginning to walk out the door.

"Oh, Carlisle, will you grab my purse for me?" she calls over her shoulder and Edward frowns.

"It's Edward, Gran," he says and she turns around, looking confused for a second but then rolls her eyes, recovering quickly.

"That's what I meant," she tells him and he doesn't look entirely convinced.

* * *

><p>La Cena literally means "dinner" in Italian and I find this hilarious as we walk up to it. Edward grins widely at me trying to cover my snickers.<p>

"It's a silly name," Gran says. "But they have the best tomato sauce in Chicago."

It's a small restaurant, the walls painted with murals of the Italian countryside, the tables covered with red and white checkered table cloths. We're seated quickly and Gran is trying to convince Edward to let her order a bottle of wine for us.

"Can you drink on your new medication?" he asks, eyebrows pulled together as he watches her scan the wine list.

"Yes, Doctor," she says, exasperated, but she smiles at him anyways. He still looks apprehensive as she orders a bottle of Zinfandel.

After we've ordered, she focuses on me yet again, asking me all of the typical questions: where did I go to school, what did I study, what are my plans. When I tell her I'm hoping to be able to write full time, she starts asking me if I've read some author I've never heard of and begins to describe one of the books in great detail.

She's only about halfway through when our food comes and she abandons the topic, eating her pasta slowly. I have to stop myself from inhaling my lasagna and sucking down the whole bottle of wine. It's all so good, I feel like I'm floating on a food cloud.

We're quiet while we eat and the table is small so Edward shifts a little in his seat and his thigh is pressed against mine. I glance at him out of the corner of my eye and he's concentrating very hard on his plate but he doesn't move his leg.

Gran catches my eye and flashes me a quick smile.

"Bella, would you mind helping me to the bathroom?" she asks, getting to her feet.

"Oh, sure," I say. Edward looks suspicious.

We walk to the back of the restaurant, her arm looped through mine though I'm not entirely sure it needs to be.

The bathroom is clean and free of any other patrons and Gran grins when the door shuts behind us.

"Though I do have to use the restroom, that's not the reason we're here," she says and I feel my stomach tighten ever so slightly.

"Edward's been talking about you for years—I can see why he likes you so much. After his mom died and after he moved out to Carlisle and Esme I was so worried about him—he doesn't take to people well and I just wanted to thank you, for all you've done for my grandson," she says kindly, tears welling up in her eyes.

"I haven't really—" I begin but she cuts me off. I'm overwhelmed with guilt because she thinks that I'm some wonderful angel who was there for him all these years but…I wasn't.

"Yes, you have. I can tell he's missed you. I'll let you escape now," she tells me with yet another wink.

"Are you sure? I can stay until you're finished," I tell her, my face so red it's probably more of a purple at this point.

"I'm sure I can manage," she laughs and waves me out of the room. Edward looks up when I near the table, lips puckered in confusion.

"Where's Gran?"

"Bathroom, she told me she didn't need me after all," I say as casually as I can. Much to my surprise, he drops it. I smile at him, just slightly and he returns the gesture. It's small but I can tell he means it.

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><p><strong>next chapter will be up this weekend weeeeeeeeee thanks for reading, let me know what you think of this whole mess in a review<strong>

**meg**


	16. Chapter 16

**sorry this is late! also sorry for any typos. **

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><p><strong>chapter sixteen<strong>

**chicago, Illinois, 8:10 pm**

**mixtape: sidekick by walk the moon**

Gran makes us stay in her room after dinner until visiting hours end around eight. She shows me pictures of Edward when he was a baby and makes sure to tell me that he had the cutest butt while he blushes and tries to hurry this visit up as much as possible. When we leave she hugs us both tightly and slips twenty dollar bills into each of our hands before she closes the door, not leaving us any room to protest.

"Your grandma is awesome," I say as we get back into the car and Edward laughs.

"She can be a little…much," he tells me, running a hand through his dark hair.

"But in a good way."

"You're right, I suppose. She just, I don't know, she's getting more and more confused lately, which is why Carlisle wanted her to either come here or move out to Washington."

"Makes sense," I say and we fall into a silence during the short drive back to the hotel.

When we get back to our room, Edward lays back down on his bed, turning the TV on and though I'm full of energy, I take a seat on my own bed, tapping my fingers anxiously on my knees.

Edward flips through the channels. I sigh and he looks at me, eyebrows raised.

"What?" he asks and I fight the urge to throw myself backwards on my bed in a dramatic pout.

"I'm bored," I say, standing up and beginning to pace.

"You're bored?"

"Yes," I sigh. "We're in a big city and we're not in the car and I want to do something _fun_."

"What exactly do you have in mind?" he asks as I pause near the window. The lights from below catch my eye.

"Pool!" I shout and Edward jumps a little from his spot on his bed.

"What?"

"Pool! The pool! Let's swim!" I say and in no time, I'm digging through my suitcase for something to wear, finally settling on an old Forks High t-shirt and shutting myself in the bathroom to change.

"Do you even have a swim suit with you? I don't have one," he says, and I imagine his eyebrows pulled together. I laugh at him, hopefully loud enough for him to hear me through the door.

"If you have gym shorts, you have a swim suit," I say, swinging the bathroom door open. I've got on my too-big t-shirt, no bra and the shortest shorts I own. My hair's piled high on top of my head.

He looks uncertain and he swallows hard.

"You don't have to come, but I'll be down there," I say right before I walk out the door. I'm giddy and feeling really immature but whatever. I love to swim but I haven't really been able to for a few years.

The pool is mostly empty, just a few kids running and jumping in while their mom sits on a chair and reads a book, occasionally yelling at them to stop splashing her.

I grab a towel from a shelf near the door and claim a chair far from the kids and slip my shoes off. I dip a foot in the water—it's definitely heated, but it's nice. I get in, feeling really calm and happy as I move my limbs through the water, turning over onto my back and floating for a while, eyes closed until I feel some water drip onto my face. I stand up, ready to find those kids too close to me, but they're out of the pool, getting dried off. Instead, I see Edward in shorts and no shirt sitting at the edge of the pool, his legs dangling in the water.

Okay, he definitely works out.

At least a little bit.

He's so skinny but defined.

I try not to stare so I dog paddle over to him and splash him, getting his hair all wet. He laughs.

"Are you getting in or not?" I ask, turning onto my back and floating away from him. He's next to me in seconds, reaching me in quick, long strokes. I splash him again and swim away and he comes after me, so I swim as fast as I can to the other end of the pool, laughing as I feel him grab my foot and pulling me back to him, his arms wrapping around my waist and holding me tightly to him.

"Let me go!" I shriek, laughing so hard I can't breathe. I feel his lips brush against my ear.

"Okay," he says quietly, I shiver. But then he's lifting me in the air and I'm trying not to scream as he tosses me in the water a few feet away, like my dad used to do when I was little.

After this, I spend the next twenty minutes trying to dunk him but he's so much stronger than I am and it's really just a mess of flailing limbs until I get tired out and I end up floating again, smiling because I feel so content.

"I missed seeing you swim," he says softly as he drifts somewhere nearby.

"What do you mean?"

"We all used to go to that part of the river," he says. "Especially in high school. I just remember most of the girls would be sunbathing and you'd be in the water, just floating, trying to get Alice in with you."

"She hated the river," I laugh though the thought of him noticing me there makes my heart squeeze.

"I did too," he admits. "I only went because I knew you'd be there."

I don't say anything, I just keep floating and I feel Edward next to me then, but we stay silent.

We're not ready to talk about it yet, but I think we'll have to be ready soon.

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><p><strong>next chapter will be up soon<strong>

**xoxo, meg**


	17. Chapter 17

**hello! hope you enjoy the chapter, thank you for reading and reviewing!**

**~sorry for any typos~**

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><p><strong>chapter seventeen<strong>

**forks, washington**

**five years ago**

**mixtape: apartment by modern baseball**

A week before the prom, Alice agreed to go to the river with me. It was a rare sunny day, the first real one we had all year so I had spent the whole morning convincing her it was the perfect time to work on her pre-prom tan. I was just desperate to swim—it was a pain in the ass to drive all the way to the Y in Port Angeles and we didn't have a swim team at school, let alone a pool anywhere in town except for at Lauren Mallory's house.

The spot of the river everyone went to was usually slow and relatively shallow. I could always touch the ground wherever I stood. We parked in the small clearing nearby, next to a few other cars but it looked like it wasn't that crowded yet. Alice pushed her oversized sunglasses further up her nose and adjusted her bag on her shoulder.

"Stop looking like I'm torturing you," I told her as we walked to the mix of sand and pebbles that covered the riverbank. A small group of sophomore girls were already laying out, magazines in front of them and a small radio playing the Top Forty station softly. The water was mostly empty, just a couple of guys tossing a football back and forth farther down from where Alice and I set up our towels.

"You wanna swim?" I asked, because I always did. And she scoffed, like always, waving me away. The water was cold, like, really cold. But there was nothing new there.

I did some laps, mostly breast stroke because that was my favorite but I once I was used to the temperature, I liked to float. More and more people were arriving, and Connor swam up to me after a little while.

"It's freezing in here," he said, teeth chattering. I laughed at him.

"You get used to it," I said.

"I'm not so sure about that. So- for Saturday, I was thinking that we'd all go to that Italian place in Port Angeles? Alice and Garrett are coming with us, yeah?"

"That's the plan," I said, blushing a little at his smile.

"I'll send you a picture of my tie later, so you can tell me if it doesn't match your dress."

"I'm sure it's fine."

I looked up towards the shore because I felt someone looking at me. Alice was still where I left her, covered in tanning oil with an Audrey Hepburn biography open in front of her. Edward was next to her, his eyes were on me as he was carrying on a conversation. His cheeks were red and in the sun, so was his hair. He glanced from me to Connor quickly before finally looking at Alice. I saw her point to me but Edward didn't look out to me. After a while, he joined some other guys from our year in the water, far from me.

I kept up my conversation with Connor until he claimed it was too cold and was going to grab a late lunch from the diner in town, and did I want anything? I shook my head, telling him Alice and I packed some sandwiches. He nodded and left me to float, thinking happily about how nice he was.

I was hyperaware of Edward the whole time, where he was and how I constantly felt his gaze on me. Eventually I had to get out, desperate for relief from the knot that was growing in my chest.

Alice looked up at me when I approached, taking her sunglasses off.

"Edward was telling me about a party at Lauren Mallory's tonight," she said. I rolled my eyes.

"Wow that sounds _fun_," I said sarcastically, plopping down beside her.

"Okay, I'm ignoring that tone. Because you kind of owe me. I did come to this godforsaken place with you. Though I don't understand why you always insist on me coming, we never actually hang out."

"It's in case I drown, buddy system and all that," I told her, digging through our small cooler for something to eat.

"Well, I need a buddy for this party," she said, taking one of the turkey sandwiches out of my hand.

I knew that this was a lost cause—she'd guilt me into it. Besides, she was right. I did owe her.

Which is why five hours later, I was climbing into the SUV she borrowed from Esme, freshly showered and wearing a pair of cutoffs and an old sweater of my dad's.

"Fisherman chic, "she commented, checking her lip-gloss in the mirror. I took in her simple, yellow sundress and perfectly smooth hair. Mine was hopeless after being in the river all day, so it was piled on top of my head in a messy bun.

My phone buzzed, a text from Connor saying that he wasn't going to be at the party tonight. It was not surprising, Connor was never at parties.

Lauren Mallory's house was one of the biggest in town; her dad owned the only grocery store in ten miles. It was crowded, as usual. Tonight wasn't looking any different than any other Saturday night I'd had all year. Dragged to a party with Alice, watching her casually drink and making awkward small talk with classmates I didn't really like while trying not to look at Edward across the room.

He was already there when we got inside, sitting next to Tyler Crowley with a frown on his face.

Again, nothing unusual.

We got beer from the keg and wandered outside, where a lot of our peers were dancing and swimming in the small pool. I followed Alice around as she mingled, drinking my beer and refilling my beer and wishing for the whole party thing to end so we could go back to my house and watch movies and sneak wine from my mom's private stash in the basement.

"Do you wanna play cornhole?" Alice asked as she gestured to the game set up at the far end of the lawn. Grateful for the opportunity to do something other than listen to Jessica Stanley talk about her prom dress, I set my cup down on the table at the edge of the patio. We played two girls from my math class and I watched as Edward hovered around the patio, his eyebrows pulled together as he argued with Tyler. Like, really argued with him. I tried to ignore it once the game ended and Alice and I went back to the crowds, picking up my cup and taking a big drink.

The rest of the night was a blank for me.

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><p><strong>i hope you all have a good holiday, i might put the next chapter up tonight or tomorrow but if not, it will be up soon. <strong>

**thank you thank you thank you and a merry christmas/happy hanukkah/whatever you celebrate or don't celebrate**

**xoxo,**

**meg**


	18. Chapter 18

**the next few chapters will probably be short like this, but I will update again later tonight as well as tomorrow. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday! **

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><p><strong>chapter eighteen<strong>

**chicago, illinois, 10:35 am**

**mixtape: the obvious child by paul simon**

"Bella, you need to get out of bed."

"I can't, I think I'm stuck here forever."

"We have to check out at eleven—we're already like, three hours behind schedule," Edward says from next to my bed. I don't know exactly where he is, I haven't opened my eyes yet. I refuse.

We swam for a long time last night, floating and racing and just enjoying ourselves. It was nice; I was surprised at how easy it was to be around him, to just joke around and be happy. Afterwards, it was a little awkward, just because I was really aware of the fact that Edward Cullen was sleeping in the next bed, like, three feet away.

Now though, I'm too comfortable. The very thought of getting back into that truck is making me itchy. I'm wrapped in the fluffy comforter; my face is buried in the softest pillow I've ever felt.

"Please don't make me leave," I whine, clutching the pillow harder. I hear him sigh.

"You have three seconds or I forcibly remove you from the bed."

"You're bluffing."

"Three. Two," he warns slowly and I cover my head with the comforter.

"One," he says and the blanket is pulled off of me. I let out a groan and wrap myself around the pillow.

"It's so cold!" I cry and I can hear him holding back a laugh.

"Then get up and get dressed."

"I don't wanna get back in that car." I open one eye to see him standing right over me.

"What are you doing?" I ask slowly, suspiciously. His arms are outstretched towards me.

"Don't you dare!"

Suddenly I'm in the air, stilling hanging onto my pillow.

"Put me down!" I shriek, kicking my legs. He's got me bridal style and is carrying me away from the bed. The beautiful, beautiful bed.

Also, since when is he this strong? Also, very warm. And his chest is solid and soft at the same time—how? I consider asking him but instead I continue down the path of petulant immaturity.

"I don't want to leave! Don't make me leave!" He rolls his eyes and I notice his hair is still wet. He must've showered this morning. I wonder how long he's been awake. I hope I wasn't snoring.

Edward sets me down in the bathroom before grabbing my pillow and running out, closing the door behind him. I can hear him laughing as he's moving around the room,.

"I guess this is it," I say quietly, resigned, to my reflection in the mirror before turning on the shower.

It's strange, this easiness we've fallen into in only four days.

Strange, but also sad, because who knows where we'd be if none of that drama happened when we were younger? I contemplate this through my shower, only getting out when I hear Edward's fist on the bathroom door, reminding me to hurry up.

Thirty eight minutes later, Edward and I are packed into the truck—which I've purged of all fast food wrappers. I roll my window down as we pull away from the hotel, letting the late morning breeze filter in.

"Stop for coffee?" he asks.

"Please," I say. "And bagels."

"Sounds good," he says, turning on the radio.

He smiles at me and I feel my heart jump a little.

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><p><strong>thank you for reading, until next time!<strong>

**meg**


	19. Chapter 19

**chapter nineteen**

**forks, washington**

**five years ago**

**mixtape: still by daughter**

"We're going to have to ground you," my mom said softly, glancing at my father. His face was all red except for the purple smudges under his eyes. I braced myself for more yelling, my head was pounding and I felt that I might vomit. It was late afternoon but I'd just woken up.

"You're only eighteen, Isabella Swan—being blackout drunk at a party? You can kiss prom goodbye," he said, his voice rising with every word.

"Dad, I didn't—" I began but he cut me off.

"You didn't what, Bella? You scared us half to death, you were barely breathing! We almost had to take you to the hospital!" The vein in his forehead began to pop out.

I closed my eyes. I didn't think I drank that much—just the one beer. But I couldn't remember anything after playing cornhole with Alice so maybe I _did_ have more than that. But if I was that drunk Alice wouldn't have let me come home, let alone let my parents find out. Where was Alice? Did she get home okay? How did _I_ get home? I felt my eyes well up with tears.

"You're lucky Edward brought you home or who knows what would have happened to you?" he shouted and I fought the urge to cover my ears. I just really needed some aspirin. At the mention at Edward's name though, I sat up, probably too quickly.

"Edward? Edward Cullen?"

"Of course. He's the one who made sure you got here in one piece, you owe him a lot."

But at that moment, I didn't feel like I owed him anything. I finally started crying and my mom eventually my dad away and gave me a bottle of water and some medicine for my headache.

"It's okay, baby," she said soothingly. "Just lay down, take a deep breath."

"Is he serious about the prom?" I croaked. She grimaced.

"I'm afraid so," she said. "I'll try and talk to him but you know how stubborn he is."

I felt my heart sink.

"I'm gonna have to call Connor," I said, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Just take it easy today."

"I'm sorry, Mom. I don't know what happened." She gave me a small smile and kissed my forehead before she went upstairs, no doubt to talk to my dad.

I laid on the couch for a long time, wrapped in an old afghan Gran Swan made before I was even born, until I felt my phone buzz from somewhere in the couch. I found it between two of the cushions, about a million texts on the screen. My battery was almost dead so I made myself go up to my room and plug it in before I read any of them.

Most were from Alice telling me to call her. I sighed with relief—she must've gotten home okay.

I had a few from random people in my class asking how I was and I couldn't tell if they were genuinely concerned or if they were just fishing for details. How messed up was I last night?

Finally, there was a text from a number I didn't have—the most recent message on my phone.

_Can we talk?_—_Edward_

I ignored his message, calling Alice instead.

"Oh my god, Bella," she breathed, answering after the first ring.

"What happened?" I could feel tears threatening to come again.

"I don't know. I honestly don't know. I was pretty drunk last night, but you didn't drink that much, I don't think. I don't know what happened. You passed out in Lauren's dining room and then Edward was there and you wouldn't wake up and I kept telling him to take you back to our house because that's always the plan—we usually just sneak into the basement through the back door but Edward was all set on getting you home and I'm sorry, your parents must be so pissed." I could tell she was crying, her breathing was ragged and she was stumbling over her words.

"My dad grounded me—he said I can't go to prom."

"No! Oh my god, this is all my fault I'm so so sorry."

"Alice this isn't your fault," I told her, because it wasn't. She tried to stick with our plan, I would have been fine. Everything would have been fine and my dad wouldn't be so mad at me and I could go to prom with Connor and Alice and it would be the perfect end to my senior year. It was the epitome of the high school experience.

But not anymore.

This was Edward's fault.

My phone buzzed again, another text from Edward saying he was parked outside.

"Al, I'll call you back."

"But—"

I hung up and squared my shoulders, ready for a fight.

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><p><strong>next chapter up tomorrow, thank you for reading! sorry for any typos. <strong>


	20. Chapter 20

**chapter twenty**

**st. paul, minnesota, 8:42 pm**

**mixtape: last hope by paramore**

I'm starting my driving shift, sipping a chocolate milkshake. Edward's cup is already empty, discarded in the paper bag I designated for trash once we got on the road again this morning. I glance at him out of the corner of my eye as he shifts in his seat, trying to get comfortable.

I consider starting a conversation, _the_ conversation, for the millionth time today. It's too late now though. I need to let him sleep so he'll be ready to drive again in a few hours. He closes his eyes and it doesn't take long for his breathing to grow slow and even.

I spend the silence watching the sky fade into darkness, the lights of the city coming on and then vanishing as we pass them, leaving them behind for tree lined highways.

My thoughts drift back to years ago, where they've been for the majority of the day. We were silly this morning but that lightheartedness fell away slowly and I'm reminded yet again of why we hadn't been sharing moments like that for years and years.

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><p><em>The day after that party my senior year, when Edward came by my house to talk, I met him outside; it was raining, but just barely. <em>

_He looked like he hadn't slept, he was still in his clothes from yesterday and his hair was hopeless. He also had a fat lip and a purple bruise circling his left eye. I sat down on the porch, looking at my feet because it hurt to look at him and my head was throbbing. I watched his legs walk over to me, then take a seat on the step beside me, still not looking up. _

"_What do you want?" I asked, the anger I felt from before gone. I was just tired now, ready for this to be over. _

"_I just…I'm sorry," he said, his voice hoarse. Much deeper than I remembered. How long had it been since I'd heard him really speak?_

"_Why couldn't you have just listened to Alice?" I asked, my voice no more than a whisper. _

"_I was scared, you wouldn't wake up. I didn't know what to do." He paused. "Tyler, um, put something in your drink."_

_My head snapped up and my eyes narrowed. _

"_What?!" I shrieked and Edward jumped a little at my sudden outburst. _

"_I didn't think he was actually going to do it…but he did. He thought it would be funny," he said quietly, picking at his shoe. I was reeling—I was drugged. It made sense, but it didn't lessen the blow. My stomach felt sicker than before and my headache grew impossibly worse. I felt violated, in a way. I stared at Edward, my mouth open as I processed what he had said. He had known that Tyler was at least thinking about doing it, which should have been enough. _

"_And you didn't stop him?!" I finally managed and Edward's head fell into his hands, shame rolling off of him in waves. _

"_I…no," was all he got out. I stood up. _

"_Wait!" he said, getting up after me. I froze, my back to him. _

"_I'm not…I'm done with him. We got into a big fight over it last night, I never meant for all of this to happen, I should have done more, I just—"_

"_I don't want your excuses, Edward," I said, my voice sharp. "You let it happen and now my parents are pissed at me, I got grounded from the prom and I just learned that I was drugged last night. And you didn't do anything to stop it. I get that we're not friends or anything, but you could've done _something_!"_

"_I'm sorry," he said once more, softly._

_I left him standing on my porch, going inside and ready to forget about him altogether. _

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><p>I was still just a kid, only seventeen. Maybe I was irrationally angry at him, he got me home okay and I'm grateful for that now. Back then, though, it seemed like the end of the world, having to find Connor at school the next day and telling him that I couldn't go to the prom with him anymore. He ended up taking a sophomore whose name I can't remember now and we didn't really talk again after that.<p>

I just felt like Edward had betrayed me. He didn't owe me anything, I knew that then and I know it now, but I thought that it was just a matter of common decency. And I guess it still stung that he chose Tyler over me—even if in the end, he chose neither of us.

I glance at him again as I hear him shift in his seat, his eyes drifting open slowly. I think I'm ready to forgive. Or at least try to.

Because I feel this tug in my chest every time I look at him, feeling like I'm thirteen, before any of the mess between us started, when all I thought about was how to get him to hold my hand.

That's all I think about now.

I'm overwhelmed with this feeling of melancholy, this sense of loss of what could've been. I want to move on. I want to forget all of the should-haves and could-haves because there's no point in dwelling on them. What there is, is right now.

I can feel his gaze on me, so I look at him again and I find his eyes soft, sad.

I wonder if he's thinking about how soon this trip will be over, that we'll be in Seattle in no time at all, and eventually he'll go back East and by then it will be too late.

I can't bring myself to do it tonight. I just want to stay in this quiet night with him next to me.

Tomorrow, I tell myself. Tomorrow.

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><p><strong>thank you for reading! and i'm not putting off the talk anymore, don't worry. next chapter we'll finally get some things figured out. <strong>


	21. Chapter 21

**wow i am SO sorry this took me so long. song for this chapter is the song that basically started this whole story for me, the link to it is on my profile. it's short and it's just...breathtaking. ANYWAYS, let the talk begin. **

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><p><strong>chapter twenty one<strong>

**near keystone, south dakota, 6:35 am**

**mixtape: south dakota (remastered version) by magic man**

We've taken a slight detour. It all started when I woke up early from my sleeping shift a little over an hour ago. We were driving down the dark highway, Edward humming along to the music he had playing softly and I was staring out the window, not entirely sure I was completely awake yet.

"I've never seen Mount Rushmore," I had said quietly as we passed a sign for the monument.

"Me either," he had replied. "Let's go."

"What? No, we can't."

"Why can't we? We made good time last night. Besides, how often are we in South Dakota?" He had a point.

Which is why we're now walking up the path as the sun is almost done rising, staring at this massive mountain with the faces of old American presidents sculpted into the side of it. It's quiet, we're here too early for the crowds to build. Just a few small groups snapping photos. The area is beautiful, tall trees everywhere. The sky fading into a perfect light blue, little wisps of clouds barely visible.

"This is kind of ridiculous," Edward says, a small grin on his face.

"What is?"

"Faces carved into a mountain. I don't know. It just seems silly to me," he says, laughing a little and I feel my heart beat a little harder. I can see the amazement behind the quiet amusement in his eyes. He's such a subtle person. You have to really _look_ at him to know what he's thinking.

"You're so strange," I tell him and he laughs a little louder. We find a ledge that faces the monument and sit down, sipping the coffee and eating the muffins we bought on the way here. It's so peaceful. Edward's hand covers mine and neither of us moves for what feels like a very long time.

I look down at his hand and I keep my stare there, memorizing it. I notice a small, light raised spot on his knuckle, a scar. I take my hand from his grasp and use a finger to trace it lightly.

"What's this from?" I ask, watching his eyes close. He takes his time answering.

"Tyler Crowley bit me," he says and my stomach drops slightly at the mention of his name. "It was after that party…he and I, we fought."

"I remember. You had that black eye," I say, looking back out at the landscape around us. He squeezes my hand.

"He looked a lot worse. Didn't come back to school that whole next week." I hear the satisfaction in his voice, but also the notes of sadness. There are always notes of sadness.

"Good," I say.

"B," he begins. "I'm sorry. I'm still so sorry."

I still don't look at him, but I know that this is it. This is the moment.

"I just don't know how you could have let it happen."

"I was scared. Tyler had been my friend for so long and you hated me and I just… I didn't know he was serious about it until I found you in the dining room and…I just, oh god—"

"I didn't hate you," I say suddenly.

"What?"

"Back then, I didn't hate you. I was embarrassed, I was hurt, but I never hated you."

"You never talked to me, you just...stopped talking to me," he says.

"Well, you never talked to me either," I tell him because it's true. Edward sighs.

"That whole thing should never have happened with the letter. I still regret it. It was stupid, but Tyler kept telling me how he heard that you had a thing for Eric Yorkie and I was so jealous. When he found that letter…I guess I was just mad. I don't know I thought you liked _me_ and then to find out you wrote all those words for someone else, I just, didn't care anymore."

"I didn't write that letter for Eric," I say slowly, finally turning to him. His eyes are so tired, so sad but he's looking intently at me. "I wrote it for you."

I watch as understanding blooms in those green eyes, how his mouth opens a little but he doesn't say anything quite yet. I lace my fingers with his and take a small sip of my coffee. He takes a deep breath.

"You were the best part of me," he says softly. "I think I loved you from the start, since that conversation in the kitchen. My life was just…shit and you were just so _good_. Everything about you, it just…I felt okay with you. My whole life since then-I've just been trying to figure out what's missing and it…it was you."

My eyes are stinging with tears and I'm kind of embarrassed about being the over-emotional person that I am in this moment. I want to be cool, calm and collected but relief hits me in the chest so hard that I feel like I've caught and lost my breath in one fell swoop.

"We were so stupid," I laugh, though it's a little broken up by my crying. Edward exhales again.

"Mostly me," he says.

"Yeah," I say and he bumps me with his shoulder. I drink more coffee and try to halt the tears.

There is this a sort of grace in us now—we are far from perfect, far from where we used to be—and I don't think we can ever get back to that—but something has changed. There is forgiveness and calm as we watch the sun finish rising, bringing warmth and light to the world around us.

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><p><strong>it wont be that easy, but it's a start at least. next chapter will be up in the next couple of days i promise. thanks for stickin with this <strong>

**xo meg**


	22. Chapter 22

**thank you for all your kind words in response to the last chapter xo**

**\**

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><p><strong>chapter twenty two <strong>

**billings, montana, 2:25 pm**

**mixtape: ends of the earth by lord huron  
><strong>

"Remember that biology class we had together sophomore year?" Edward asks as he puts his blinker on, getting over to the far left lane. The sun is so bright and the highway looks like it goes on forever in front of us. We only have 800 or so miles left to go until we're in Seattle. I'll be staying at Alice's place while I look for an apartment. That way I'll be on hand for the final wedding preparations and any possible meltdowns

I look back at Edward, the way his shoulders are relaxed, the ease in his smile. I miss him already.

"I do," I say softly. "We had to be partners for that mitosis project."

"I was so excited to get to class every day that week."

"I didn't eat lunch that whole week, I was so nervous."

Edward laughs but I can see the disbelief on his face. Like he can't fathom me being nervous over him.

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><p>"When Connor asked you to prom, it nearly killed me," Edward says. We're in a diner eating club sandwiches and dipping fries in ketchup. I'm sitting cross legged in one side of the booth and Edward is stretched across the other. The waitress has been refilling our Cokes periodically. We've been here for almost an hour.<p>

"Really?" I ask.

"Yeah, I mean, I was still hopelessly in love with you. It was hard."

I don't respond, my cheeks are turning red. He keeps going.

"You walked past me in the hallway and you wouldn't look at me and I knew it was over. Connor was a nice guy though. I think that made it worse."

"Well, I never made it to prom anyways," I tell him, shrugging. He sighs and looks down at his plate. I pay the bill.

* * *

><p>"I never told Alice or anyone about the whole Tyler thing. I was embarrassed," I say, my feet propped up on the dash. It's getting dark and I'm doodling absently in my notebook.<p>

"What? Embarrassed?" he asks, incredulous, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly.

"I mean, yeah, I left my drink out. Number one party rule," I tell him and he frowns.

"That's…don't. It wasn't your fault. You shouldn't ever feel embarrassed about that."

"Okay," I say, my voice thick.

"Should we stop soon? There are some hotels at the next exit."

* * *

><p>Twenty five minutes later we're opening the door to a room at a Comfort Inn in some small town in Idaho. We get ready for bed quietly, taking turns in the bathroom. It's still relatively early, but we didn't get much sleep the last couple of days and Edward wants to get an early start tomorrow. We're only five hours from Seattle.<p>

I stare at my reflection in the mirror as I'm brushing my teeth, contemplating what's going to happen once we're there.

What happens when this trip ends?

We've come so far, it feels like we've had years together, not days. I've grown used to being near him at all times.

Will we still talk? Will we hang out once we're in Washington?

As I get into bed, it hits me harder than ever that he's going to go back to the East coast.

It almost feels as if this whole drive was for nothing—almost as if it made everything worse because at least before this week, I was used to being without him. It was a lot easier to hate him than it is to like him.

There's no light in the room except for the glow of the numbers coming from the clock on the night stand between our beds, the air conditioner is whirring loudly near the window and I can hear the people in the room above us laughing.

Edward's lying across from me, facing the window and away from me, his back rising and falling under the blankets, his breathing even. I wonder if he's already asleep.

"I think I'm going to miss you," I say quietly, just because I need to. Edward turns over and I can feel his eyes on me—deep and intense. "I think I'm still kind of mad at you but I'm going to miss you."

"B," he breathes and in that moment, I need to be close to him. I need to. It's my last chance. This dark hotel room in Idaho is potentially our last moment really alone and the thought of that squeezes my chest.

"Come here," he says so quietly it's almost a whisper. "Please."

I don't think about it, I climb out of my bed and into his, under the covers, his arms circling around me and I am so warm and my heart feels like it's about to burst at any second. He takes in a ragged breath.

"This isn't the end," he says and I feel his lips on the top of my head. "It's not, I promise. I messed up so much before but I'll never stop trying to make it up to you. I'm better now. You'll see."

I feel his heart beating strongly and evenly against my own.

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><p><strong>we're probably a little over half way with this thing. next update will most likely come tomorrow.<strong> **thank you for reading and i hope you're all staying warm (it was 0 degrees outside when I woke up this morning, send help)**

**meg**


	23. Chapter 23

**chapter twenty three**

**coeur d'alene, Idaho, 6:00am**

**mixtape: the gardener by the tallest man on earth**

The alarm clock is beeping on the table next to me but I can't get up to turn it off. Edward's lying on the bed on his stomach; one of his arms wrapped tightly me. I'm facing him, memorizing the way his hair is falling into his eyes and the way he's drooling a little bit on the pillow. I like him vulnerable like this.

"Are you going to keep staring at me or are you going to turn the alarm off?" he asks, his eyes still closed. I let out a surprised laugh, mildly embarrassed, but not too much.

"You're kind of holding me hostage," I say and he finally opens his eyes and I can see the reluctance in his expression as he pulls his arm away. I roll over and hit the off button on the alarm.

"It's too early," he mumbles, rubbing his eyes.

"You set the alarm," I say, very aware of how comfortable we are next to each other. I'm sure my breath is terrible and my hair is a matted wreck but I don't care. Not really.

But I get up to brush my teeth anyways, throwing my hair into a bun while I'm at it.

"Alice wants you to call her when we're getting close," Edward says from the other room. He's probably checking his phone.

"I know," I tell him, my mouth full of toothpaste. Alice sent me about a million texts last night to remind me, but she is convinced that everything she says to me goes in one ear and out the other. She's not completely wrong, but I remembered this time. Edward is supposed drop me off at Alice's apartment before he…actually I don't know what he's doing.

"Edward," I say, walking out of the bathroom but I freeze because he's in the middle of putting a t-shirt on. I stare at the slight muscles in his abdomen, the dark hair trailing downwards and—

"Yes?" he asks, his smile kind of smug but his cheeks are pink.

"Um," I stutter. "Uh, what are you, uh, doing once we get to Seattle?"

"What do you mean?" His shirt is completely on now. He runs a hand through his hair and my mouth goes dry.

Wow, where is all of this attraction coming from? It's hitting me full force right in this moment. Maybe it's because I spent the night sleeping next to him. Maybe it's just that he's probably the most beautiful human being I've ever been near and without the whole hating-his-guts thing clouding my vision, I'm really seeing him now.

"Like, where are you staying? With Carlisle and Esme?" I finally manage to get out.

"Oh," he says, walking towards me. "No, I don't want to have to drive back and forth from Forks to Seattle. I'm staying with my friend, Emmett."

"You have some toothpaste here, by the way," he says, touching my chin lightly before brushing past me and heading into the bathroom.

"Perfect," I mutter, my face burning and apparently minty fresh.

* * *

><p>"I spy something gray."<p>

"The road."

"Yeah."

"Bella, that was awful."

"Edward, this game is stupid there is literally nothing but road and trees in front of us."

I'm bored of Idaho.

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><p>"Do you want to know if you're a secret bitch?"<p>

"Are you reading Cosmo?"

"Yes, so do you want to know or not?"

"Yeah okay."

It turns out that Edward is, in fact, a secret bitch.

"That makes me feel powerful," he says.

I'm tempted to have him take the Are You Good in Bed? quiz but I don't think my ovaries could handle it.

* * *

><p>"<em>I NEVER WANNA HEAR YOU SAY, I WANT IT THAT WAY<em>," Edward is screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Are you serious?"

"_AM I YOUR FIRE? YOUR ONE DESIRE?_"

"The Backstreet Boys?"

"Don't judge, I know you love them, too. I saw that poster you had in your room when we were younger."

"But the Backstreet Boys?"

I'm laughing so hard I'm crying and it just makes Edward be even more obnoxious, holding his fist like he's got a microphone, his grin huge as he serenades me.

"Sing the last line, B," he prompts, gesturing his hand to me. "I know you know it."

"_CAUSE I WANT IT THAT WAY."_

He whistles at me as the song ends and I take a little bow.

We're two hours from Seattle.

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><p>"Is everything okay?" Edward asks. I'm staring at my phone, knowing that I need to call Alice and let her know we're almost to the city. We were silly for most of the drive, our energy up and we were probably getting a little stir crazy.<p>

But once I saw the miles to Seattle dipping down into the double digits, this weight settled itself in my chest and I fell into a sad silence. Edward's been glancing nervously at me the whole time.

I'm not ready for him to go.

I'm not ready for this to be over.

He told me last night that this wasn't the end but how can it not be?

In two weeks, he'll be across the country from me.

"Yeah," I say, trying to make my voice even. I think I mostly succeed. "Just gotta call Alice."

"Okay," he says quietly, focusing on the road. I can see the city in the distance. Alice answers on the second ring.

"Hey," I tell her and at the same time, I feel Edward's hand on my thigh. He gives it a quick squeeze but doesn't let go. I stare at him, but he just gives me a quick smile, an encouraging one, and keeps his eyes on what's happening in front of us.

"We're almost there," I say. "Maybe like twenty minutes."

"Great!" she trills. "I bet you're so excited to get out of that car."

"Yeah," I say, but my heart isn't in it. Not at all.

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><p><strong>:'(<strong>

**thank you for all of your kind words in your reviews-and I just want to say that I'm sorry about the cold weather you're all experiencing (and to those of you in warmer climates-i have nothing to say to you as I sit in frozen-ohio-hell). **

**but honestly, I'm so blown away by the response to this story-it's far more than I deserve. **

**meg**


	24. Chapter 24

**chapter twenty four**

**seattle, washington, 12:35 pm**

**mixtape: missed the boat by modest mouse**

"Thanks again for letting me stay here, Al," I say as she's helping me settle into the small office in her apartment. Alice claims it's a guest room for now due to the air mattress set up in the corner of the room. The only other furniture in the space is a small, plain desk and a file cabinet. Alice and Jasper just moved in a couple of weeks ago, she keeps reminding me, as she's apologized to me about the state of the place about a hundred times since I got here.

"Of course! I need you close," Alice says, putting my suitcase on the desk and unzipping it, surveying the contents. "Do you want to grab some lunch? Did you and Edward eat?"

"We didn't. Lunch sounds good," I tell her, maneuvering around the boxes of my stuff filling up the room. The bigger stuff, like my bed and mattress, are up against the far wall of the living room. I feel bad taking up so much of her space but I don't really have any other options until I can find my own place.

Alice continues looking through my suitcase.

"Maybe we should go shopping, too," she says and I sigh, but she grins widely at me before pulling me into a hug. "I'm so glad you're here. Get cleaned up and we'll go somewhere. I want to hear all about the drive."

Once she leaves, she closes the door behind her and I'm alone, feeling slightly claustrophobic in this room. More than I ever did in the car on the way here.

Now I'm thinking about Edward, who, once we got here, helped unload all my stuff from the truck and brought it up to the third floor of Alice's building. It all went too fast, I kept wishing I had more belongings, more reasons for him to stay. But he had to meet his friend Emmett across town and I didn't have any excuse to keep him here. Alice talked his ear off and I could barely get a word in, just a quick thank you and goodbye as Alice walked him to the elevator. I was feeling depressed until my phone buzzed. He was calling me.

"You left your journal in the car," he had said so I slipped downstairs, my heart pounding gratefully as I reached him. He was a little sweaty from all the moving and his shirt was clinging to his chest more than usual. His hair was sticking up all over the place and his eyes were so green and I felt myself fall apart on the inside.

"You didn't really forget anything," he told me, flashing me a quick smile. "I just wanted to say goodbye without Alice scrutinizing everything we did."

I let out a relieved, but nervous laugh.

"Well, thank you, for driving me. I really, really appreciate it," I said, rubbing my arm awkwardly.

"I can honestly say that it was my pleasure. And this isn't really goodbye. I'll see you tons over the next couple of weeks." _But what about after that?_

"Yeah, I'm sure Alice will go over an itinerary with me at some point."

"True."

"You should probably go, she's probably pacing suspiciously," I said, though the thought of him driving away hit me in a wave of anxiety. He frowned but nods.

"I'll see you soon, I'll make sure of it. I told you this wasn't the end," he said earnestly. I bit my lip. I wasn't entirely sure. It had only been a week. The odds were very against us. Are still against us. But Edward put his hands on my shoulders, ducking his head down to look me straight in the eye.

"I'm serious, Bella, don't give up on me yet. I want to work on this."

"Okay," I mumbled before he pulled me into a quick, tight hug. I fought the urge to cry as he got in the truck and I had to go back upstairs.

So now I'm changing into a nice tank top and a pair of jeans, trying not to feel like I just lost my best friend all over again. I fix my hair and put on some make up, ignoring the heaviness in my chest.

"Much better," Alice says when I find her in the living room. "There's this really good sushi place down the street."

"Sounds perfect."

* * *

><p>I'm so glad to see Alice, don't get me wrong. I've missed her so much over the last few years and I'm so glad to be in the same city as her again. We're at Shiro's, which Alice claims in the best sushi in Seattle. It's a small building but the walls are a bright white and there are tons of windows so there's a lot of natural light, even though the clouds are starting to move in. Alice is bubbling with energy as she eats her California roll and to be honest, she's practically glowing with happiness. She's wearing a yellow sundress under a vintage-looking jean jacket, her feet strapped into tall wedges, giving her some height. Her frame is small, like it's always been though her hair isn't the pin straight, inky black curtain it used to be.<p>

"I actually chopped most of it off a couple of months ago," she says, touching it self-consciously. "My mom was so upset I did it so close to the wedding but I feel great."

"It looks cute," I tell her and it does, it hits just below her ears with blunt bangs across her forehead. "You're so city chic."

"You spent four years in a big city, what's your excuse?" she teases and I stick my tongue out at her. "You've matured so much, too."

"Anyways," I say. "When am I getting the itinerary for the next few weeks? I _know_ you have one."

"Your tone is rude and I don't appreciate it. But I do have a binder ready for you waiting at home so we will probably drink two bottles of wine and go over it tonight."

"God I've missed you," I tell her and I mean it. I am actually so relieved to be in Seattle with my best friend in this very moment.

"I missed you, too! Now, how was the trip?" she asks and it makes me think of Edward, somewhere in this city but still far away from me. It makes my head hurt.

What can I tell Alice? That the last week completely flipped my life upside down? That it threw me back into a part of my life that I though was long gone? That in six days I went from never giving Edward Cullen a second thought to him never leaving my mind?

"It was fine," is all I can manage.

"That's all you have to say? You spent a week with your worst nightmare and it was _fine_?"

"Uh, yeah, I mean it was okay."

"Alright, I know you are keeping something from me and if you think I won't get it out of you eventually, you're wrong. But I will give you today because I know you've had a long trip and I'm just too excited to see you and I want to show you around the city a little," Alice bubbles, her hands gesturing wildly and her cheeks bright pink.

I breathe a sigh of relief and steal one of her California rolls.

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><p><strong>thank you for reading! i'd love to know what you think. next chapter is already in the works!<br>**

**meg**


	25. Chapter 25

**just a short one tonight guys, thanks to all of you for reading and reviewing xo**

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><p><strong>chapter twenty five<strong>

**seattle, washington, 9:23 pm**

**mixtape: needle and a knife by tennis  
><strong>

Alice wasn't lying when she said she had a binder for me—it's thick and full of color coded tabs. We still have final fittings, a spa day, the bachelorette party, there's a day later on this week for the whole wedding party to meet each other, not to mention the rehearsal dinner, multiple days for finishing things like centerpieces and decorations, and finally the wedding itself. Alice has every minute planned for each event and I keep throwing Jasper sympathetic looks as he looks on, sipping his beer slowly. Jasper's a few years older than us-he was getting his master's degree and was actually Edward's TA in one of his gen eds. They hit it off and of course they crossed paths with Alice and the rest is history. I like Jasper, I always have, even though the first time I met him I had walked into Alice's room at home over winter break two years ago to find them both naked and doing some kind of weird role play. I shudder at the thought.

"So, Bella, feeling overwhelmed yet?" Jasper drawls. I think he's from Texas originally but I can't remember. Everything he says is dragged out and slow, his whole demeanor is laid back and oozes calm and compared to Alice's exuberance, it's kind of hilarious. They're perfect together, though, complementing each other and I can practically feel their love for each other fill the room. It's adorable and suffocating at the same time.

"Yes, but it's nothing I'm not used to," I say, taking a big drink of my wine. We've already killed one bottle and Alice is coming back from the kitchen now with the second, her grin big and I can see her eyes trying to focus on me but she's having trouble.

"Don't you have to work tomorrow?" I say, giggling.

"Yes but I don't have to be in until ten," she says. Alice has a graphic design job for a fashion website—she's the luckiest person I've ever met, getting her dream job right out of school. Jasper's got an assistant professor of history position at some private college outside of the city while he works on his doctorate. I take in his long blond hair and thick framed glasses again while he watches us, his expression calm but kind of amused before he stands up.

"I gotta get some reading done," he says. "You girls have fun." He gives Alice a quick peck on the forehead before he disappears down the hall and into their bedroom. Once he's gone, Alice sighs, laying her head on my shoulder.

"Have I told you how relieved I am that you're here?" she sighs happily. "And how much I absolutely adore that man?"

"Only a hundred thousand times," I laugh but my voice fades as I take a big drink of wine and wonder what Edward is doing right now.

I listen to Alice slur to me about how stressed out she's been and I think about Edward.

I help finish the second bottle of wine, letting my head get fuzzy but I still think about Edward.

Jasper comes back out to the living room hours later, rubbing his eyes and pulls Alice to bed while I wonder where Edward is sleeping tonight.

I brush my teeth and I try not to remember him shirtless.

I climb into bed and I miss sleeping next to him, I'm drunk and too emotional for these thoughts.

I'm about to fall asleep finally when my phone buzzes from under my pillow. It's too late for it to be Angela, and I don't know who else would be trying to get in touch with me.

_Hope you had a good day, I miss you, I hope you're sleeping well—Edward._

My heart thuds as I send him a message back.

_You too, miss you—B._

I fall asleep clutching my phone because his message meant he was thinking of me, too.

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><p><strong>next chapter will be up soon, I promise! i've also revamped my whole outline and this should end up being around 50 chapters, give or take a couple. thank you all for reading, hope you all had a nice long weekend!<strong>

**meg**


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